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Archive for February, 2007


Hey y’all,
Well, the weekend is technically over (It’s Sunday night and I’m still up watching the Oscars) and I’m happy to report that it was a fairly fun one, given the circumstances.
I’m still sore as hell and can’t do too much but I attempted to go to work on Thursday.  I made the boss my bitch and got him to pick me up/drop me off (his baby goes to daycare up the street) since I can’t drive.  I worked until about 12:30 and then had enough of that and came back home to my couch and heating pad.  I stayed home Friday (I DO have a note from my Dr. to be off work, so I’m not just playing hooky…I save those for days that I’m feeling good) and rested – SO BORED!…UNTIL Kim (BFF!) came to visit!  I was so excited.  We giggled a lot and then she went shopping in my closet.  Good ol’ times.  Once she left, the neighbor stopped in with her kids and brought me cookies and a card and muddied up my clean floor *twitch*
Friday evening my parents took me out to dinner and then to pick up a few things at the grocery store (cat food for my baby) and then back home I came.  Still bored.  Eventually I was chatting with Jesse (old roomie) and we giggled for quite some time and then around 10pm Tanya popped over for a visit and helped me clean up a bit.  After she headed home I got a call from Anic…MORE giggles (no wonder I’m so sore)…She keeps the shirt and we’re going halfies on helmets.  Finally, bedtime for Sandy.  Except, my sinuses were being aholes and I couldn’t get to sleep…achy, sneezing, stuffy nose, twitchy eyes – so at 3am I got up and took some drugs and went back to bed.  FINALLY fell asleep sometime after 5am.  Superpissed.  Got up around 9am and had a long day of laying around.  Whoopee! 
I was supposed to go out dancing last night w/Amy & Heather but, since that was obviously out of the question (I’m just happy I can dress myself), Amy, Heather & Chris came to me.  We had a nice visit and then when H&C left, Ames and I went out for dinner then back home to my heating pad and then to bed. 
Winston let me sleep in this morning (Sunday) and I didn’t drag my ass outta bed ’til nearly 11:30, then, traditionally, watched SNL and then Steve came over & we headed out so I could get some crap done.  I decided to give driving a whirl (it’s been a week).  Bad idea but it worked out, I guess (I had a pillow with me) – enough to get me to xrays in the morning.  Back to my place to chill for a bit then he headed out.  Darren (Black Magic, y’all!  It’s been 3 years!!) stopped by to drop off Thursday’s hockey tickets to me and we had a short visit.  In the evening Amy came over for my annual Oscar party (everyone else has either moved away {Heather, Vanessa, Anic, Corrina, Kim} or couldn’t make it {Cat, Kim, Steph, Tanya}) and now here I am.  I haven’t edited this and really don’t care…it’s late and I’m not allowed to drink even water and I’m SO thirsty and I’m tired and there’s something sticking outta my back…not to mention that, well, these days I’m physically challenged. 
I hope you all have a great week. 

Let Your Backbone SLIDE

Hey y’all…So here’s the deal…instead of typing this out a thousand and one times to everyone who asks "What happened?" I decided it may be easier to list the details here and then I can refer you all to my space when you ask the ever-present question.
So, last week’s WU mentioned that I slipped on the ice on my walk (last Thursday) and put my back out.  Well, it got worse.  I went to work Monday and was SO excited that evening to watch Blue Rodeo & Friends (yes, I’m THAT much of a nerd).  I decided (even though it was being recorded) that I wasn’t answering the phone during the show…I’d waited too darn long to see it and wasn’t going to be disturbed.  Well, about 20 minutes into the show I skipped into my bedroom to check a message.  I bent over to pick up a cat’s toy off the floor and when I tried to stand up, realized I couldn’t.  It wasn’t gonna happen.  I was locked in place and in the worst pain I’ve ever been in (with the exception of my broken ankle/severed ligament).  Thankfully, my phone was close enough where I could  reach it and I called my mom – she and my dad tried to "walk me thru" suggestions: pulling myself onto the bed, rolling over, etc.  Well, all that did was get me stuck half on the bed with my right leg holding me up (my pain was mostly localized to the left side).  Keep in mind people, this all began around 8:20pm.  Amidst my screams and cries (and partial laughter, b/c in all honesty, it was pretty funny) my mom told me to call an ambulance but I said it was no good since both doors were deadbolted.  So she decided to come down and unlock the doors, see if we could render the situation better, and if all else fails, get some professional help.  While I waited for her to get to my place I called Amy and she kept me company.  I didn’t move.  My mom showed up nearly an hour after I’d first called her and she couldn’t "fix" me.  Stephanie, who’s a massage therapist, called and tried to give tips but nothing worked.  Eventually I ended up having to call 911 and have an ambulance sent. 
Well, the first set of EMTs arrived and I told them they weren’t allowed to make fun of me.  They realized there was no way they could straighten me up to put me on the backboard and therefore had to call for "backup" (lol) so in comes a second set of EMTs (4 in total) and they have this funky chair thingy that they decide they’re gonna get me to scootch into.  However, I’m not able yet to scootch since I’m still in effing excruciating pain.  So, out comes the morphine.  And of course Mr. Cutie-Pie EMT (Tim) can’t get the IV in.  Poke once, poke twice, poke three times…I stopped counting after this.  Then he told me I had soft skih (I’m sure it’s b/c he kept jabbing me with effing needles and b/c I was bawling).  Now, for the morphine.  One shot, two shots. Scootch.  Eff sakes…I can still feel every single bit of pain but at least I’m happier about it.  One of the EMTs told me I was "the funniest one we’ve ever had!"  Hear that?  Watch out SNL – here I come (I fear I might have to follow in John Belulshi’s footsteps – if you don’t get it, you’re too young and shouldn’t be reading this anyway).  Anyways, they buckle me into this chair and take me up to the ambulance and then want me to scootch again…are you effing joking?  But I did (with a little help from my new friends).  It’s around 11pm.  I was stuck in the same position for 2 hours. Now we’re on our way.  In the ambulance comes shot 3 of morphine.  Mmm.  Had a good chat with Bruce, the EMT. Couldn’t tell you what we talked about, it’s kind of a blur.  Now, we’re at the hospital.  Scootch please.  Y’know what?  I think I’ve scootched enough for you people!  Shot 4 of morphine.  Along comes Dr. fucking Doolittle.  The same moron I saw when I broke my ankle.  He firsts suggests that it’s just a strain or something, so, of course me being drugged up and pissed off I start shooting my mouth off about how the last time he diagnosed something as just a "strain" I ended up with said broken ankle/severed ligament and spent 14 weeks (14 WEEKS!) on crutches before it was diagnosed properly.  (This I DO remember).  After a little more assessment and chit chat with the EMTs he says that I have torn the muscle away from my pelvis (and since seeing my family Dr. yesterday, may have also slipped a disc – and yes, it hurts!).  Here comes the Adavant (sp?).  Still can’t move.  Shot 5 of morphine.  I stopped counting after the first shot.  Mom stopped counting after 5.  Eventually I’m so high I can’t hold my head up (I was, however, able to tell my mom all kinds of things, for instance, how many times I’ve been pulled over for speeding, how many tickets I’ve received b/c of it, and what kind of crap I tell cops now that gets me out of tickets – and I swear, my excuses work!).  By midnight, I was so naseaus the nurse shot me up with something else and so began the projectile vomiting.  Lovely.  The nurse actually said to me "your supper must be just about up now." To which I replied "I’ve puked up more food then I’ve eaten all week!" 
Finally, around 12:30 or so the Dr./nurse sent me on my merry way – head down and still barfing (I barfed in the car) and all.  When I got home I crawled into bed fully dressed and was out cold.  7:15am the next day I wake up (STILL HIGH as a kite) and go to the bathroom to continue my amazing stomach pyrotechnics and pass out twice.  My mom had to pick me up off the floor and put me back to bed w/a barf bucket.  I slept until 2pm when she forced me to get up and have been in miserable pain ever since.  I finally came home yesterday (I was held prisoner at my mom and dad’s but it was for the best) but am unable to drive, sit comfortably, lay comfortably, walk comfortably, sleep comfortably (do you see the pattern here??).  Anyways, Dr. said it could be up to 3 weeks before my body is healed and back to being comfortable but I’m gonna have to put a rush on it since I can’t handle being bored and immobile that long.  And, unfortunately, it looks like Legends it likely out for me this weekend (mom said "Well, you can go but be careful and don’t dance" – um, it’s a bar!  Can’t be careful around drunken Valley people and what’s the point of going out if ya can’t dance??) – So AMY, looks like we have a dinner date with Heather this weekend; pre-Legends.  AND, no fear, the annual Oscar party is still on.  See you there.

Bad First Dates

"Do they have a Bitch prerequisite?" – "No, but it seems they have an open-door policy for Assholes!" —————————————————————————————————————————- Alrighty, well, since my last few weekends have sucked I thought I’d do something fun. And I invite EVERYONE to add to this one. It seems I have the worst (WORST!) luck for first dates…so I figured, why not start a thread on it. Here are a few of my experiences: 1) Let’s start with Dwayne L. – Met him thru "Tim" (haha, inside joke, Jesse) and he begged to take me to the Hip concert in Halifax. I was stoked to go but had planned to go with the girls (Jesse, Paula, Leanne and Tasha). I turned him down initially but then a friend told me he payed $90 per ticket (bought them from a coworker who clearly ripped him off!) specifically so I would go with him. So, I said ok but we had to go under my "orders’ (I’m not a bitch, I swear). He picked me up at the girls’ apartment and we made plans to meet in Halifax (their tickets were being held w/my credit card so I had to meet them) and go to the concert from there. It was awkward b/c Dwayne is very shy and barely said boo. But once we got in the car dude decides to light up a joint (Jesse = "Who’s Bud?" – haha) and refused to let me roll down the window. Basically, he hotboxed me in the car for a good portion of the drive and when we finally got to the City an hour later I was flying. I had all these great ideas going on in my head how I was going to ditch him after the concert and come back to the Valley with the girls (but I couldn’t find them afterward) or get him to pull over for coffee in Windsor and call Kim’s parents to come and get me. And the worst thing – I passed out cold during the concert. So embarrassed. On the way home I was so annoyed I would barely speak to him and told him not to dare lighting up. When he dropped me off he leaned in for a kiss – are you fucking joking? I got out and slammed the door. Didn’t talk to him again. Loser. 2) Then there’s Aaron K. – I was warned not to go out with him..should’ve listened. This guy was in his early 30’s but I had to pick him up (b/c he had no car) at his parents’ house (b/c he lived at home). We went for dinner and the fool spent the whole time talking about how great he was. He kept saying “ask your brother, he knows me.” I eventually did ask my brother, he said he met Aaron once and thought he was an idiot. So, for 2 hours I listened to this guy brag about how wonderful he was and what he had (Dude, you live at home and don’t have a car – let’s get real!). He was a jerk to our waiter, whom I was friends with and I was so embarrassed. Then he asked me what I wanted to do. Okay, you asked me out – you need to have a game plan before hand. There are rules! Eventually we decided on going to Dooly’s to play pool. We grabbed a table next to some mutual friends and set out to play a few rounds. This idiot kept hounding me about how he was beating me and finally I let him have it. I then spent some time at the bar talking to some of the guys who offered to get me outta there w/out conflict. I declined. I then told Aaron I was leaving. He’s like “Okay, I’ll call you.” – Um, no, you won’t call me, but you will walk me to my car! Asshole. So, we’re outside in the parking lot and he tries to kiss me. Hell no! Then he asks to borrow money! Can you believe it? On a first date! Borrow money? No effing wonder you’re single and living with mommy and daddy. I spent the rest of the evening reliving this disaster with the Yahtzee girls. 3) Shawn (I don’t even remember if this was his name…Heather, is his name Shawn?) Shawn was really cute, had a good job, drove a nice truck, funny, friendly, considerate, and just seemed really well put together. So, one night we decide to go out for a drive and talk – no problem. The evening goes pretty well right up to the end. He leans in for a kiss (I actually allowed it this time!) but then when he’s kissing me he puts his hands around my neck…and not in a sexy kind of way. What the fuck is wrong with people! That was it. I told him to start the car and take me home! I jumped out, slammed the door and that was it. Freak! 4) Then there’s this dude who used to come into my work all the time years ago. I can’t even remember his name (I think it started with a C). One night at Legends I ran into him and we started chatting. He seemed nice but nothing more. Just friendly conversation. The next morning at work he popped in to say hi. Okay. I can sorta see where this is going. A few nights later when I was at the bar again he showed up. More chit chat. No biggie. Still not interested. Not long after he sent flowers to me at work. Sweet, thankful, but still not interested. I had to phone him that day to thank him for the flowers and card b/c I was going out of province for a bit and had to be polite. When I called him he said Christmas was coming up and he wanted me to come home with him for the holidays so I could meet the family. WTF???? Are you kidding? We didn’t even HAVE a first date. Ironically, he worked at the psyche ward at the hospital – I wanted to tell him he should try getting himself his own toaster, if you get what I’m saying. 😛 Needless to say, he didn’t visit me at work anymore.

EDIT:  The guy in #4 – his name is Scott (last name starts with a C).  It took some researching but I got ‘er done.

EDIT: #5 (this is in the comments too) When I was interning at the law firm there was a paralegal whom I worked with who was extremely anti-social and kind of a dickhead…maybe that was part of his appeal.  But he was close to my age and it turned out he lived across the street from me.  So one afternoon he invited me over just to hang out – and we did.  We watched a game on tv and chatted and that was it.  A few days later he invited me over to watch a movie which I deemed the actual date.  So I went over and we chilled for a little while then the next thing I know he’s trying to stick his tongue down my throat and take off my clothes at the same time – the whole time while I’m trying to steady myself on crutches.  I was pissed.  I said "WTF are you doing?" He replied "What do you think?" I told him to FO and I was going home.  He was pissed off and said something snarky so I said "Did you really think I was gonna sleep with you on the first date?" to which he replied "It’s our second!"  Great answer, tool.  When I was hobbling out of his apartment he said "Don’t tell anybody about this at work on Monday."  HA.  Monday morning everyone in the office knew.  What a joke.

EDIT: #6 – Heh heh..thought of one.  So, in high school there was a guy that all the girls "swooned" over -seriously.  He left school for a bit to go to ON and play professional hockey and eventually came back when I was in I think maybe my junior (11) or senior (12) year.  His name is Greg.  Turns out that Greg is friends with my brother and soon enough he was at our house all the darn time (he eventually ended up being my brother’s best man) and the whole time I secretly had a small crush on him.  After years of seeing him almost daily and hanging out he finally asked me out.  Nothing big, just over to his place (he was living with his parents at the time) to watch a movie.  Well, when I got there he was already half in the bag and continued to drink after I got there.  We watched Jurassic Park (to which he knew all the words) and told really dumb stories.  All the while, there was something familiar to me but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.  He asked me down to "see" his room, which I declined, thank you (my brother warned me about this A) it’s his pickup line B) his room is full of spiders and I wouldn’t do so well in there).  Near the end of the night, while Greg and I (well, at least I was) were invested in conversation he leaned over and kissed me.  OMG!  Stop, make it stop!  I FINALLY realized what the familiarity was – it was like I was kissing my brother.  You know how friends who spend so much time together pick up each other’s habits and mannerisms and even start to sound and look alike (people used to say this about me and Kim all the time – I think it’s the noses)?  Well, Greg was like a mirror image of my brother all of a sudden – same look, same receding hairline (haha), same way of getting tongue-tied when excited in a conversation – everything was the same…and that kiss made me want to puke.  I was disgusted.  I got up and left pretty much right there.  Yuck! 

See Cat?  I told you!


TGIM, y’all! I am so excited – can’t wait for 8pm to get here so I can watch my boys jam. And b/c it’s storming out Amy has cancelled on Monday Night Club so I am free to watch it without interruption.

So, last week I didn’t bother to do a WU (weekend update) and this weekend was extremely uneventful. I slipped on the ice Thursday night and ended up putting my back out, took Friday off and spent most of the weekend curled up on the couch with the heating pad and popping handfuls of Advil.

I don’t think I did anything Friday evening (told ya it was uneventful! – can’t even remember). Saturday I was lazy for the morning, then my mommy came to ensure I was still alive, and then Amy and I did the traditional Cobblestone visit and then she helped me pick up a few groceries – seriously, she was my bitch. She had to get the heavy stuff. Ha!

Saturday evening Steve came over and we vegged out (I was already there) and then put on a movie ("Little Miss Sunshine" – very funny and dysfunctional). Fun times, eh? Whoop-de-doo!

Sunday Steve came back and put in a new phone jack for me (I now have high speed…no more dial up!) and then I spent the rest of the evening gabbing and vegging.

How sad is that? I was/am gimpy. I had to come back to work today but I was prepared and brought my heating pad…it’s lovely.

Next week will be better…lotsa stuff going on. I can’t wait. Legends ("Hi Heather!"), Oscars, then the hockey game. Fun times.



It’s Chilly

Um, how bad is it that I have the heat turned up so high in the office that I set off the fire alarm on two floors? Heh heh. No, seriously.

Jumping on the Bandwagon of Retardation


So let’s talk about all the things no one ever really wants to say. For instance, drivers. We all bitch about other drivers but let’s come right out and say it:

1) The sign CLEARLY states “Keep Right Except to Pass” – that means you are to get your effing slow ass outta my way so that I can get by. This is not a lane for you to drag ass at 80 kms in. It’s not a race. If it were a race (and you weren’t in the damn passing lane!) you’d be choking on my exhaust fumes, baby.
2) I can only go as fast as the car in front of me. That means that speeding up and riding my bumper won’t make me go any faster (seriously, there’s no where to go). And I HAVE been known to get out of my car and ask the dillhole behind me if he wants a piggyback. I’m not opposed to shooting off my mouth if required.
3) Your vehicle does NOT render you invisible. Those little glass things surrounding you, they’re called WINDOWS (say it with me). We can see you. So, please be advised that we know when you’re picking your nose, screaming at yours kids, chomping on that burger, singing/talking to yourself, or getting a blowjob. This is reality and you’re not a super-hero with super-powers, which is likely why you’re driving an ‘87 Datsun, sweetie.
4) You do NOT have to come to a complete stop to make a turn. You are more then welcome to slow down but coming to a stop is not a necessity. If you are unable to do this then perhaps you should be riding the short bus to your destination.
5) The GM/Ford/Dodge, etc. companies put a blinker in your vehicle for a reason. If you have to make a turn or suddenly decide to parallel park then you should be signalling. Otherwise, I will have to signal with my middle finger. 😛
6) The blinker, however, is not needed when turning a bend. Let’s not go overboard with it.
7) If you’re driving a tractor, get the damn mofo OFF the road when there are real vehicles behind you. Damn hillbillies!

Happy 6 Month Anniversary Mystery Illness and 23rd Blue Rodeo!

Hey Y’all. Well, it’s been SIX MONTHS since I got sick and it doesn’t seem like getting any better is in the immediate future. Dammit! But I’ve got a bunch more tests scheduled, so THERE’S something to look forward to (*rolls eyes*).

It’s also the anniversary of Blue Rodeo. Yay!

Okay, so the weekend was kind of a boring one. It was shitty weather Friday so my plans got postponed. Basically, I gabbed on the phone with Amy for an hour and a half and then relaxed for the rest of the evening, chatted with Jesse in AB and went to bed. Sad, eh?

Saturday I visited Steph for a while (haven’t seen her since Christmas day) and then headed up to play with the boy for a bit. It was almost nap time so I figured I’d get him all wound up (sorry Cat). He and I played and read and then it was time for him to go to sleep.

Saturday evening Steph & Jason and Steve & I (not me, people) went to a movie. We saw Blood Diamond. A truthful but tragic story. It’s insane, the things that happen outside of North America. I’m thankful everyday that I AM CANADIAN!

After the movie Steve and I vegged at his place (watched a little JC) and then finally it was time for me to head home and hit the sack.

Sunday Amy came over and watched SNL with me (Drew Barrymore hosted). We gossiped a bit and then headed out. I dropped her off then went to my mom and dad’s for dinner, attacked my closet there (clothes that fit again, yay!) and was then on my merry way.

I spent another hour and a half on the phone w/Jesse chatting about the “old days”, high school, boys, working at Tim’s, Paula, the bar, and Steve S. She’s hopefully moving back soon. I can’t wait. Now all we’ll need is for Paula to move back too and then we’ll be a big happy effing family again.

I did not partake in Super Bowl festivities last night. First time in a few years. Instead I vegged and watched the “My Boys” marathon, chatted w/Anic in AB (she should move back too!! – Along with Heather and Vanessa – the Yahtzee heads reunite!) – had a good laugh over Trevor asking who won the SB (it’s live tv, it doesn’t matter what the time difference is!) and eventually went to bed. The end.

See, sad isn’t it?