Welcome to SANDYLAND!!

Jumping on the Bandwagon of Retardation

(WE HAVE TO KEEP THIS ONE GOING!)

So let’s talk about all the things no one ever really wants to say. For instance, drivers. We all bitch about other drivers but let’s come right out and say it:

1) The sign CLEARLY states “Keep Right Except to Pass” – that means you are to get your effing slow ass outta my way so that I can get by. This is not a lane for you to drag ass at 80 kms in. It’s not a race. If it were a race (and you weren’t in the damn passing lane!) you’d be choking on my exhaust fumes, baby.
2) I can only go as fast as the car in front of me. That means that speeding up and riding my bumper won’t make me go any faster (seriously, there’s no where to go). And I HAVE been known to get out of my car and ask the dillhole behind me if he wants a piggyback. I’m not opposed to shooting off my mouth if required.
3) Your vehicle does NOT render you invisible. Those little glass things surrounding you, they’re called WINDOWS (say it with me). We can see you. So, please be advised that we know when you’re picking your nose, screaming at yours kids, chomping on that burger, singing/talking to yourself, or getting a blowjob. This is reality and you’re not a super-hero with super-powers, which is likely why you’re driving an ‘87 Datsun, sweetie.
4) You do NOT have to come to a complete stop to make a turn. You are more then welcome to slow down but coming to a stop is not a necessity. If you are unable to do this then perhaps you should be riding the short bus to your destination.
5) The GM/Ford/Dodge, etc. companies put a blinker in your vehicle for a reason. If you have to make a turn or suddenly decide to parallel park then you should be signalling. Otherwise, I will have to signal with my middle finger. 😛
6) The blinker, however, is not needed when turning a bend. Let’s not go overboard with it.
7) If you’re driving a tractor, get the damn mofo OFF the road when there are real vehicles behind you. Damn hillbillies!

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10 responses

  1. Ms Nothing

     will go slow if I do not know where I am going…especially when I am trying to find 6466 Chebucto Road and am on Quinpool…Hello I live in Dartmouth, can get any where I need to be in Dartmouth but please do not ask me to drive in Halifax… I get confused… And YOU CANNOT make a left hand turn onto Robie St. from North… you MUST make a left hand turn onto Clifton, than another on Willow and than and only than can you get onto Robie from North St.  As Sandy so eloquently put it, riding my ass will NOT make me go any faster… I will in most cases go slower just to piss you off… Honking your horn also, will NOT make me go faster or find the address just so YOU can get to your destination.  YES that is me driving slowly and looking at all of the numbers on the buildings trying to find the one I want.  You do not like? BITE ME…. LMAO

    February 8, 2007 at 4:03 pm

  2. sandy

    Elizabeth, I should be posting this in the other blog but I\’m here, so…you should be using "then" instead of "than" – 🙂
    I can\’t help it, it\’s a sickness.

    February 8, 2007 at 4:05 pm

  3. Ms Nothing

    Sandy all of my mistakes are done on purpose just to see how good you really are at picking up on them…and yes you are right it is a sickness but for me to do it on purpose is even more of a sickness….

    February 8, 2007 at 4:10 pm

  4. sandy

    You\’re full of shit!  LOL.  You\’ve been using "than" instead of "then" for as long as I can remember.  Nice try, tho. 

    February 8, 2007 at 6:00 pm

  5. Tanya

    Okay. A few things to say.First of all, so Fucking funny last night at Tims with the guy coming out of drive thru with his finger stuck up his nose all the way to the knuckle. Haha.Second. The merge in Kentville. Now, granted, I know this got worse when they added parking on the other side of the road, but STILL. If you\’re that stupid that you need an explanation, then here: When you\’re coming from town, or the Coldbrook way, and you come to the blessed intersection where the tree usually is, YOUR LANE DOES NOT END! There is no reason to stop and wait for traffic. You continue in your own little lane there and then, when a break in traffic is found, put on your BLINKER, look OVER YOUR SHOULDER, and then cross over. Listen you people who stop because "Oh, no! It\’s making me go back into town." GIMME A BREAK! Say it with me: Kentville is a circle! It was done as a circle for mostly this reason! Also, if you don\’t wanna go around town, or are trying to get to the ALWAYS BUSY drive thru Tim Hortons, here\’s a hint. After you can\’t merge, and you\’re forced to head back towards the banks, that street is pretty long, and you can ALWAYS cross lanes there. Cross over and head through the lights. Just after that building after the lights, is a road that takes you right to your Blessed Tims. And, *gasp*, what\’s this? Another road from Tim\’s that takes you across the main road, and right by the bus station, and BINGO! You can get out of town! OMG!I\’ll post another later.

    February 9, 2007 at 9:21 am

  6. sandy

    Good points Tanya. And yes…it was funny AND disgusting last night seeing that moron diggin\’ for gold up his nose.

    I\’ve just added more.

    ~Sandy

    February 9, 2007 at 9:50 am

  7. Anic

    Okay… I know this is also new in Kentville. But the lights in front of the Leon\’s… you can turn left on a red at those lights PROVIDED THAT THERE IS NO ONCOMING TRAFFIC. IT\’S STILL A RED LIGHT. And YES, YOU HAVE TO SIGNAL! You should be signaling in this part of town anyways. Unless you really want to hit your car through the glass doors. It\’s happened and it\’s not fun! Oh, there\’s no need to go 120 on Belcher Street! I know it\’s a hill and it\’s fun, but there are other vehicles besides yourself on the road.

    February 24, 2007 at 3:22 am

  8. Anic

    Oh pedestrian aren\’t safe from this either! DON\’T CROSS THE ROAD UNLESS YOU HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY! Just because we have the yellow light doesn\’t give you the right to run in front of us. That\’s just stupid! Don\’t suddenly decide that you need to jaywalk! It\’s only your fault if we hit you. And make up your mind be for you cross. It\’s either go or stay. And if you are at a cross walk, please press the button. The flashing lights are pretty at night, but if you\’re dressed all in black WE CAN\’T SEE YOU!

    February 24, 2007 at 3:25 am

  9. sandy

    Haha…"the flashing lights are pretty at night" – awesome.
    BTW Anic, I can\’t believe you stole my blog and put it on your page.  But thank you, at least, for giving me my credit.  I\’ve worked hard on it.

    February 24, 2007 at 1:34 pm

  10. Tanya

    I could add soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much to this since moving to the city. The merging of 5 lanes into one at the bridge, the crossings of lanes on Portland St trying to get onto the highway, the cabs who speed ALLL the time, the buses that cut people off, the drunks jaywalking out of the bar onto the road without looking, the cars parked on BOTH sides of the streets (how are two buses supposed to pass?), etc. I hate drivers here.

    August 22, 2009 at 12:22 am

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