Jumping on the Bandwagon of Retardation
So let’s talk about all the things no one ever really wants to say. For instance, drivers. We all bitch about other drivers but let’s come right out and say it:
1) The sign CLEARLY states “Keep Right Except to Pass” – that means you are to get your effing slow ass outta my way so that I can get by. This is not a lane for you to drag ass at 80 kms in. It’s not a race. If it were a race (and you weren’t in the damn passing lane!) you’d be choking on my exhaust fumes, baby.
2) I can only go as fast as the car in front of me. That means that speeding up and riding my bumper won’t make me go any faster (seriously, there’s no where to go). And I HAVE been known to get out of my car and ask the dillhole behind me if he wants a piggyback. I’m not opposed to shooting off my mouth if required.
3) Your vehicle does NOT render you invisible. Those little glass things surrounding you, they’re called WINDOWS (say it with me). We can see you. So, please be advised that we know when you’re picking your nose, screaming at yours kids, chomping on that burger, singing/talking to yourself, or getting a blowjob. This is reality and you’re not a super-hero with super-powers, which is likely why you’re driving an ‘87 Datsun, sweetie.
4) You do NOT have to come to a complete stop to make a turn. You are more then welcome to slow down but coming to a stop is not a necessity. If you are unable to do this then perhaps you should be riding the short bus to your destination.
5) The GM/Ford/Dodge, etc. companies put a blinker in your vehicle for a reason. If you have to make a turn or suddenly decide to parallel park then you should be signalling. Otherwise, I will have to signal with my middle finger. 😛
6) The blinker, however, is not needed when turning a bend. Let’s not go overboard with it.
7) If you’re driving a tractor, get the damn mofo OFF the road when there are real vehicles behind you. Damn hillbillies!