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Bad First Dates

"Do they have a Bitch prerequisite?" – "No, but it seems they have an open-door policy for Assholes!" —————————————————————————————————————————- Alrighty, well, since my last few weekends have sucked I thought I’d do something fun. And I invite EVERYONE to add to this one. It seems I have the worst (WORST!) luck for first dates…so I figured, why not start a thread on it. Here are a few of my experiences: 1) Let’s start with Dwayne L. – Met him thru "Tim" (haha, inside joke, Jesse) and he begged to take me to the Hip concert in Halifax. I was stoked to go but had planned to go with the girls (Jesse, Paula, Leanne and Tasha). I turned him down initially but then a friend told me he payed $90 per ticket (bought them from a coworker who clearly ripped him off!) specifically so I would go with him. So, I said ok but we had to go under my "orders’ (I’m not a bitch, I swear). He picked me up at the girls’ apartment and we made plans to meet in Halifax (their tickets were being held w/my credit card so I had to meet them) and go to the concert from there. It was awkward b/c Dwayne is very shy and barely said boo. But once we got in the car dude decides to light up a joint (Jesse = "Who’s Bud?" – haha) and refused to let me roll down the window. Basically, he hotboxed me in the car for a good portion of the drive and when we finally got to the City an hour later I was flying. I had all these great ideas going on in my head how I was going to ditch him after the concert and come back to the Valley with the girls (but I couldn’t find them afterward) or get him to pull over for coffee in Windsor and call Kim’s parents to come and get me. And the worst thing – I passed out cold during the concert. So embarrassed. On the way home I was so annoyed I would barely speak to him and told him not to dare lighting up. When he dropped me off he leaned in for a kiss – are you fucking joking? I got out and slammed the door. Didn’t talk to him again. Loser. 2) Then there’s Aaron K. – I was warned not to go out with him..should’ve listened. This guy was in his early 30’s but I had to pick him up (b/c he had no car) at his parents’ house (b/c he lived at home). We went for dinner and the fool spent the whole time talking about how great he was. He kept saying “ask your brother, he knows me.” I eventually did ask my brother, he said he met Aaron once and thought he was an idiot. So, for 2 hours I listened to this guy brag about how wonderful he was and what he had (Dude, you live at home and don’t have a car – let’s get real!). He was a jerk to our waiter, whom I was friends with and I was so embarrassed. Then he asked me what I wanted to do. Okay, you asked me out – you need to have a game plan before hand. There are rules! Eventually we decided on going to Dooly’s to play pool. We grabbed a table next to some mutual friends and set out to play a few rounds. This idiot kept hounding me about how he was beating me and finally I let him have it. I then spent some time at the bar talking to some of the guys who offered to get me outta there w/out conflict. I declined. I then told Aaron I was leaving. He’s like “Okay, I’ll call you.” – Um, no, you won’t call me, but you will walk me to my car! Asshole. So, we’re outside in the parking lot and he tries to kiss me. Hell no! Then he asks to borrow money! Can you believe it? On a first date! Borrow money? No effing wonder you’re single and living with mommy and daddy. I spent the rest of the evening reliving this disaster with the Yahtzee girls. 3) Shawn (I don’t even remember if this was his name…Heather, is his name Shawn?) Shawn was really cute, had a good job, drove a nice truck, funny, friendly, considerate, and just seemed really well put together. So, one night we decide to go out for a drive and talk – no problem. The evening goes pretty well right up to the end. He leans in for a kiss (I actually allowed it this time!) but then when he’s kissing me he puts his hands around my neck…and not in a sexy kind of way. What the fuck is wrong with people! That was it. I told him to start the car and take me home! I jumped out, slammed the door and that was it. Freak! 4) Then there’s this dude who used to come into my work all the time years ago. I can’t even remember his name (I think it started with a C). One night at Legends I ran into him and we started chatting. He seemed nice but nothing more. Just friendly conversation. The next morning at work he popped in to say hi. Okay. I can sorta see where this is going. A few nights later when I was at the bar again he showed up. More chit chat. No biggie. Still not interested. Not long after he sent flowers to me at work. Sweet, thankful, but still not interested. I had to phone him that day to thank him for the flowers and card b/c I was going out of province for a bit and had to be polite. When I called him he said Christmas was coming up and he wanted me to come home with him for the holidays so I could meet the family. WTF???? Are you kidding? We didn’t even HAVE a first date. Ironically, he worked at the psyche ward at the hospital – I wanted to tell him he should try getting himself his own toaster, if you get what I’m saying. 😛 Needless to say, he didn’t visit me at work anymore.

EDIT:  The guy in #4 – his name is Scott (last name starts with a C).  It took some researching but I got ‘er done.

EDIT: #5 (this is in the comments too) When I was interning at the law firm there was a paralegal whom I worked with who was extremely anti-social and kind of a dickhead…maybe that was part of his appeal.  But he was close to my age and it turned out he lived across the street from me.  So one afternoon he invited me over just to hang out – and we did.  We watched a game on tv and chatted and that was it.  A few days later he invited me over to watch a movie which I deemed the actual date.  So I went over and we chilled for a little while then the next thing I know he’s trying to stick his tongue down my throat and take off my clothes at the same time – the whole time while I’m trying to steady myself on crutches.  I was pissed.  I said "WTF are you doing?" He replied "What do you think?" I told him to FO and I was going home.  He was pissed off and said something snarky so I said "Did you really think I was gonna sleep with you on the first date?" to which he replied "It’s our second!"  Great answer, tool.  When I was hobbling out of his apartment he said "Don’t tell anybody about this at work on Monday."  HA.  Monday morning everyone in the office knew.  What a joke.

EDIT: #6 – Heh heh..thought of one.  So, in high school there was a guy that all the girls "swooned" over -seriously.  He left school for a bit to go to ON and play professional hockey and eventually came back when I was in I think maybe my junior (11) or senior (12) year.  His name is Greg.  Turns out that Greg is friends with my brother and soon enough he was at our house all the darn time (he eventually ended up being my brother’s best man) and the whole time I secretly had a small crush on him.  After years of seeing him almost daily and hanging out he finally asked me out.  Nothing big, just over to his place (he was living with his parents at the time) to watch a movie.  Well, when I got there he was already half in the bag and continued to drink after I got there.  We watched Jurassic Park (to which he knew all the words) and told really dumb stories.  All the while, there was something familiar to me but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.  He asked me down to "see" his room, which I declined, thank you (my brother warned me about this A) it’s his pickup line B) his room is full of spiders and I wouldn’t do so well in there).  Near the end of the night, while Greg and I (well, at least I was) were invested in conversation he leaned over and kissed me.  OMG!  Stop, make it stop!  I FINALLY realized what the familiarity was – it was like I was kissing my brother.  You know how friends who spend so much time together pick up each other’s habits and mannerisms and even start to sound and look alike (people used to say this about me and Kim all the time – I think it’s the noses)?  Well, Greg was like a mirror image of my brother all of a sudden – same look, same receding hairline (haha), same way of getting tongue-tied when excited in a conversation – everything was the same…and that kiss made me want to puke.  I was disgusted.  I got up and left pretty much right there.  Yuck! 

See Cat?  I told you!

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15 responses

  1. ms ns thang

    OK…bad first dates… my first date with my ex-husband was terrible… this should have been my first clue NOT to marry him…but we all do stupid things in the name of "love"… OK… so we go to this dance bar… not a bad place just a dive in Ottawa that went out of business…the ex says "I have a cure for diabetes"… hmmm…. interesting…. I am ok with that…I will listen… So he says "All you have to do is eat this weird leaf from West Africa"… OK… well not much into eating leaves but hey alright I am listening… then he goes on and on and on and on how he has cured everything… from AIDS to Syphillis… So I am thinking… ok none of those types of diseases have anything to do with diabetes…So, he starts in on me about my eating habits, my smoking habits, my drinking habits… Like he\’s a bloody expert on my body and my nutritional intake…Well he ended up getting a bit upset with me because I tend to talk back to people when they think they know me better than I do…So then he expects me to kiss him goodnight and PAY for the night out… Well, I did not enjoy our first date…Yup should have heeded the warning… LOL

    February 20, 2007 at 10:00 pm

  2. Cat

    I don\’t have any crappy 1st date stories. I guess I just didn\’t date enough to get enough exposure. I did have a guy ask me out in highschool by asking my friend to tell me that he would go out with me if I stopped using my nickname (which I had been using for a couple of years, even the teachers used it). I actually kind of liked him, but you know what buddy? I don\’t like you enough to be your doormat!

    February 22, 2007 at 2:35 pm

  3. sandy

    Heh heh.  You\’ll have to tell me who the guy was.  I remember Mr. Sheppard (*sigh*) calling you by your nick on the days I was in class/not asleep.  (I\’m really sorry I was a bitch in high school and threw things at you & Bonnie.)  I\’ll repent along for my efforts regarding Mr. Townsend.

    February 22, 2007 at 6:07 pm

  4. Tanya

    Okay, okay, okay. I\’m sooooooo sorry for introducing you to Aaron. I swear, he was cool at work.
     
    Never had a bad date, really. Not that I can remember.

    February 23, 2007 at 12:16 am

  5. sandy

    Okay, remembered one.  When I was interning at the law firm there was a paralegal whom I worked with who was extremely anti-social and kind of a dickhead…maybe that was part of his appeal.  But he was close to my age and it turned out he lived across the street from me.  So one afternoon he invited me over just to hang out – and we did.  We watched a game on tv and chatted and that was it.  A few days later he invited me over to watch a movie which I deemed the actual date.  So I went over and we chilled for a little while then the next thing I know he\’s trying to stick his tongue down my throat and take off my clothes at the same time – the whole time while I\’m trying to steady myself on crutches.  I was pissed.  I said "WTF are you doing?" He replied "What do you think?" I told him to FO and I was going home.  He was pissed off and said something snarky so I said "Did you really think I was gonna sleep with you on the first date?" to which he replied "It\’s our second!"  Great answer, tool.  When I was hobbling out of his apartment he said "Don\’t tell anybody about this at work on Monday."  HA.  Monday morning everyone in the office knew.  What a joke.

    February 23, 2007 at 9:05 pm

  6. Tanya

    Sandy!You should put up your AMAZING date with Zach! 😀

    February 23, 2007 at 9:07 pm

  7. sandy

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  So Funny.

    February 23, 2007 at 9:10 pm

  8. Anic

    Okay, okay… I was set up on this blind date by a mutual friend of mine (okay friend of Vanessa whom I met 3 times. Yeah, can you see the trust?!)… okay it was a double date because I didn\’t feel comfortable enough going on my own. He picks me up at the apartments and in two seperate cars we head out for dinner. Round 1. We went to this Chinese restaurant that seemed like we crossed 5 towns to get to. Conversation… bragging up my date… Awkward silences… of course… Drinks… yes please! So on to round 2. We all drive to the drive in  movie to catch the early show (Robo Cop or Back to the Future? Either way it was the third and final movie of a series I never even seen before… the governator was it, whatever!) Conversation… "I have to pee"… Response, "Will you get me some popcorn?" Nice! Round 3. Movie ends, second couple decides to call it a night. So we stayed to watch the second movie, we talked about nothing and made, what I felt was no connection what so ever. I\’m watching the clock wishing this damn movie would end. Round 4. Drive back. It\’s silent. The moon is so bright and it seems so close to the earth, if this date had some pazazz than it would the ultamite romantic date. I notice that the car is vering off to the side of the road. He\’s looking at the moon and looking at me. "Isn\’t the moon beautiful?" he says to me. All I could say is, "It is. But I value my life, could you watch the road?!" Lord, he didn\’t try to kiss me and he never asked for my number. I don\’t remember his name anymore. A few days later I was talking to Trevor (this was around the time we were on our "break") he said he knew who took me out and that he was a friend of his in high school. Should have known.

    February 24, 2007 at 3:05 am

  9. Amy

    I got some bad first dates for you. Let\’s just review how I got the nickname "Applehoe" shall we. I went on a date with a guy (who happens to be good friends with my current b/f, Cav), it was mid-November and I was wearing a skirt and boots. The evening started off with the movies, which he got me in for youth… not youth/adult, youth. After the movies he decided that he was going to take me to his "favourite spot in the Valley" which happened to be an apple orchard near Horton. So here we are in an apple orchard in mid-November at night, with me in a skirt. Needless to say I was not enjoying the nature. I said I was getting cold (mean lets go). His response… " well I will move my sub out of the back seat and we can sit there". I DON\’T THINK SO!!
    I made the mistake of tell people at work about this great date and they gave me the nickname and it has stuck.
     
    #2 – Acadia Guy
    I met this guy online. I had no real intention of meeting anyone from online but this guy was relentless, so I said what the hell. We were going to meet at the Acadia Arena parking lot and go from there. So I am waiting and this guy pulls up beside me, gets out and hopes into my car. He looked nothing like he did in his photo (surprise, surprise). We did the introduces and that sort of thing, then he goes on to say that he was going to take me out for supper but for got his wallet. I wasn\’t paying!! Then we are talking a little bit more and he leans over and kisses me. I push him off and was like WTF?  He said that he wanted to know what my gum tasted like. I then gave him a fresh piece of my Dentyne Cinnimon and told him to get out my car. That was a half hour of my life I will never get back, and I look really hot too. What a waste!!

    February 27, 2007 at 5:55 pm

  10. sandy

    Hahaha!  Amy, I love your stories but the part that makes me laugh the most is that he got you in as a youth.  THAT cracks me up!  And the fact that I know who it is (Ralph Wiggum anyone?) just makes the whole situation even funnier.

    February 27, 2007 at 6:07 pm

  11. Cat

    Hah! Too funny, Sandy. Kissing your brother, ick. Be happy, this would not have been a great choice for you in any case, I think. Remind me to tell you my own Greg story or two (not a dating one, obviously).
     
    I had a guy ask me out in university and had to turn him down since the reason I liked to hang out with him so much was partly because he reminded me of my brother. I\’m glad I realized that ahead of time!

    March 1, 2007 at 2:29 pm

  12. sandy

    Yeah, I know I look young and all but come on, how cheap can you be. And Sandy you didn\’t have to mention the name.

    March 1, 2007 at 6:24 pm

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