Welcome to SANDYLAND!!

Let Your Backbone SLIDE

Hey y’all…So here’s the deal…instead of typing this out a thousand and one times to everyone who asks "What happened?" I decided it may be easier to list the details here and then I can refer you all to my space when you ask the ever-present question.
So, last week’s WU mentioned that I slipped on the ice on my walk (last Thursday) and put my back out.  Well, it got worse.  I went to work Monday and was SO excited that evening to watch Blue Rodeo & Friends (yes, I’m THAT much of a nerd).  I decided (even though it was being recorded) that I wasn’t answering the phone during the show…I’d waited too darn long to see it and wasn’t going to be disturbed.  Well, about 20 minutes into the show I skipped into my bedroom to check a message.  I bent over to pick up a cat’s toy off the floor and when I tried to stand up, realized I couldn’t.  It wasn’t gonna happen.  I was locked in place and in the worst pain I’ve ever been in (with the exception of my broken ankle/severed ligament).  Thankfully, my phone was close enough where I could  reach it and I called my mom – she and my dad tried to "walk me thru" suggestions: pulling myself onto the bed, rolling over, etc.  Well, all that did was get me stuck half on the bed with my right leg holding me up (my pain was mostly localized to the left side).  Keep in mind people, this all began around 8:20pm.  Amidst my screams and cries (and partial laughter, b/c in all honesty, it was pretty funny) my mom told me to call an ambulance but I said it was no good since both doors were deadbolted.  So she decided to come down and unlock the doors, see if we could render the situation better, and if all else fails, get some professional help.  While I waited for her to get to my place I called Amy and she kept me company.  I didn’t move.  My mom showed up nearly an hour after I’d first called her and she couldn’t "fix" me.  Stephanie, who’s a massage therapist, called and tried to give tips but nothing worked.  Eventually I ended up having to call 911 and have an ambulance sent. 
Well, the first set of EMTs arrived and I told them they weren’t allowed to make fun of me.  They realized there was no way they could straighten me up to put me on the backboard and therefore had to call for "backup" (lol) so in comes a second set of EMTs (4 in total) and they have this funky chair thingy that they decide they’re gonna get me to scootch into.  However, I’m not able yet to scootch since I’m still in effing excruciating pain.  So, out comes the morphine.  And of course Mr. Cutie-Pie EMT (Tim) can’t get the IV in.  Poke once, poke twice, poke three times…I stopped counting after this.  Then he told me I had soft skih (I’m sure it’s b/c he kept jabbing me with effing needles and b/c I was bawling).  Now, for the morphine.  One shot, two shots. Scootch.  Eff sakes…I can still feel every single bit of pain but at least I’m happier about it.  One of the EMTs told me I was "the funniest one we’ve ever had!"  Hear that?  Watch out SNL – here I come (I fear I might have to follow in John Belulshi’s footsteps – if you don’t get it, you’re too young and shouldn’t be reading this anyway).  Anyways, they buckle me into this chair and take me up to the ambulance and then want me to scootch again…are you effing joking?  But I did (with a little help from my new friends).  It’s around 11pm.  I was stuck in the same position for 2 hours. Now we’re on our way.  In the ambulance comes shot 3 of morphine.  Mmm.  Had a good chat with Bruce, the EMT. Couldn’t tell you what we talked about, it’s kind of a blur.  Now, we’re at the hospital.  Scootch please.  Y’know what?  I think I’ve scootched enough for you people!  Shot 4 of morphine.  Along comes Dr. fucking Doolittle.  The same moron I saw when I broke my ankle.  He firsts suggests that it’s just a strain or something, so, of course me being drugged up and pissed off I start shooting my mouth off about how the last time he diagnosed something as just a "strain" I ended up with said broken ankle/severed ligament and spent 14 weeks (14 WEEKS!) on crutches before it was diagnosed properly.  (This I DO remember).  After a little more assessment and chit chat with the EMTs he says that I have torn the muscle away from my pelvis (and since seeing my family Dr. yesterday, may have also slipped a disc – and yes, it hurts!).  Here comes the Adavant (sp?).  Still can’t move.  Shot 5 of morphine.  I stopped counting after the first shot.  Mom stopped counting after 5.  Eventually I’m so high I can’t hold my head up (I was, however, able to tell my mom all kinds of things, for instance, how many times I’ve been pulled over for speeding, how many tickets I’ve received b/c of it, and what kind of crap I tell cops now that gets me out of tickets – and I swear, my excuses work!).  By midnight, I was so naseaus the nurse shot me up with something else and so began the projectile vomiting.  Lovely.  The nurse actually said to me "your supper must be just about up now." To which I replied "I’ve puked up more food then I’ve eaten all week!" 
Finally, around 12:30 or so the Dr./nurse sent me on my merry way – head down and still barfing (I barfed in the car) and all.  When I got home I crawled into bed fully dressed and was out cold.  7:15am the next day I wake up (STILL HIGH as a kite) and go to the bathroom to continue my amazing stomach pyrotechnics and pass out twice.  My mom had to pick me up off the floor and put me back to bed w/a barf bucket.  I slept until 2pm when she forced me to get up and have been in miserable pain ever since.  I finally came home yesterday (I was held prisoner at my mom and dad’s but it was for the best) but am unable to drive, sit comfortably, lay comfortably, walk comfortably, sleep comfortably (do you see the pattern here??).  Anyways, Dr. said it could be up to 3 weeks before my body is healed and back to being comfortable but I’m gonna have to put a rush on it since I can’t handle being bored and immobile that long.  And, unfortunately, it looks like Legends it likely out for me this weekend (mom said "Well, you can go but be careful and don’t dance" – um, it’s a bar!  Can’t be careful around drunken Valley people and what’s the point of going out if ya can’t dance??) – So AMY, looks like we have a dinner date with Heather this weekend; pre-Legends.  AND, no fear, the annual Oscar party is still on.  See you there.

25 responses

  1. Cat

    If it makes you feel any better, the time I had a pulled ligament in my back it was over a year before the pain was fully gone. *grin* And at that, it was while I was pregnant, so maybe it would have stayed all wrong and cracky forever if the whole pg-realignment hadn\’t happened… Whee! Backpain is great, huh? Take it easy, you would rather be bored for a while now than screw it up worse and be bored (and in pain) even longer!

    February 23, 2007 at 12:21 pm

  2. Cat

    By the way, you should be a writer in a magazine or something. You are effin\’ funny!

    February 23, 2007 at 12:22 pm

  3. sandy

    "it was over a year before the pain was fully gone. *grin*" – You can\’t see it, Cat, but I\’m giving you the finger. 😛
    PS – I really want to a) Clean b) work out

    February 23, 2007 at 12:48 pm

  4. Cat

    Too bad. Write us some more funnies instead. And watch some trashy telly just for me.

    February 23, 2007 at 2:51 pm

  5. sandy

    I don\’t watch trashy tv, you know me better then that..but if you\’re interested I can tell you all about the BR & Friends special 😀

    February 23, 2007 at 4:18 pm

  6. Elizabeth

    You 2 are way too funny… But Cat I do agree with you… she really has to start her journalism career… she keeps me in stitches all the time… Even Mom laughed at her this morning… Sandy…I hope you are feeling better soon… especially since you have so much fun doing nothing at all…and please do tell us about the BR & Friends special…

    February 23, 2007 at 8:06 pm

  7. sandy

    Elizabeth? Is that you?  *scratches head*
    So, BR & Friends was filmed a few years ago and BR decided to invite some of the musicians they often play with for a little jam session, if you will.  They guests they invited would be covering BR tunes w/BR on backup.  The first up were The Sadies on Diamond Mind, then there was Sarah Harmer\’s haunting turn on Five Days in May.   Quite lovely.  Then there was Alan Doyle from Great Big Sea and lastly Ron Sexsmith, an amazing musician who never quite receives the recognition he deserves.  FINALLY, Jim & Greg ended their evening with an awesome performance of Trust Yourself.  It made me giggle a little.  I could hear a little raspiness in Jim\’s voice and wonder if that was the onslought of his vocal problems. It was sexy though…nothing wrong with a little raspiness coming from a hot dad in tight jeans *sighs loudly*!  Ha!

    February 23, 2007 at 8:58 pm

  8. Tanya

    Soo….. when are you marrying Jim? Maybe he should know that you\’ve taken his last name as yours. He might be interested to know…

    February 23, 2007 at 9:02 pm

  9. sandy

    May 11 has a nice ring to it, don\’tcha think?  I wonder if Greg will play at our reception.

    February 23, 2007 at 9:06 pm

  10. Anic

    Just to add to the funnies it took me a whole 5 minutes to figure out that BR stands for Blue Rodeo… NEED SLEEP! Funny girlie, you\’re helping me with my movie! I hope you feel better.
    ps. I know you probably weren\’t thinking about, but in the event that you should have to call the ambulance again make sure get their photo. LOL!
    pps. I\’m a loser! lol!

    February 24, 2007 at 2:39 am

  11. Ms Nothing

    Yes Sandy scratch your head…it was me… Any comment that is made without a name attached is usually going to be me on one of my other email addy\’s I have…Maybe if my mind is working I will just add an E at the end and that will give you a clue as to who it is that is leaving the messages… As for you taking the last name Cuddy… I am in agreement May 11th has a great ring to it.  E

    February 24, 2007 at 10:17 am

  12. sandy

    Elizabeth – you don\’t need an apostrope in "addys" b/c you\’re PLURALIZING it.  You wouldn\’t say "email address\’s" you\’d say "email addresses."  😛  And DON\’T tell me you did that on purpose – I know better.
    Anic – keep the shirt, babe.

    February 24, 2007 at 1:30 pm

  13. Ms Nothing

    Sandy..pure typo… I was typing and thinking and well with me the two sometimes do not mix well…One of these day\’s I will have a message on here that will have nothing wrong with it grammatically…that way you will have nothing to pick apart.  (HAHAHA I did the above mistake on purpose so there!!!!!!!!)

    February 24, 2007 at 5:16 pm

  14. Tanya

    Haha…Liz and Sandy: You\’re too much for me. I just cracked up while on the phone with a customer THAAAAAANKS.Bah… Stupid work.

    February 24, 2007 at 7:25 pm

  15. jesse

    This is something that could only happen to you, do you still have your handi-capped parking sticker? The Apple-Rain doesn\’t fall far from the door but the side pony-tail made me roar! Nice poem eh?

    February 24, 2007 at 10:52 pm

  16. sandy

    Hey Jesse (aka Mrs. Farrell); Yes, I still have my temp. handicapped tag.  I think it\’s in my other car.  I need to clean it out.  Also, Raine has an "e" in it (well, in the version my mother wanted..darn hippie).  My side ponytail was hot! 
    Do you remember when I lost my balance at the old ghetto apartment (after tracking all the way to the top floor on my crutches) and I fell back down and ended w/my skirt over my head?  Shawn had a good laugh over that!  I can still remember your face when you saw me…PRICELESS!  It\’s times like these that I wish someone followed me around with a video camera.  I could have my own tv show.

    February 25, 2007 at 4:53 pm

  17. sandy

    I made boo boos *GASP* way down on my first post (it was the drugs, I swear), but fear not, I\’m here to fix them (I don\’t know how to edit comments).
    A) "They guests they invited " should be "the guests" – meh.
    B) It\’s Diamond MINE not Mind – whoops..but Greg said it was okay on the website.
    C) Allan (as in Doyle) has TWO "L"s.  My bad.
    The funny thing about all this is I noticed it all right away but just didn\’t give a shit.  THAT\’S how much my back hurts..I don\’t even want to sit.

    February 26, 2007 at 11:18 pm

  18. Kimberly

    Excuses, excuses.

    February 27, 2007 at 11:00 am

  19. Cat

    I was going to make fun of Cuddy as a name, but I guess I am just not that mean.

    February 28, 2007 at 12:40 pm

  20. sandy

    Don\’t make fun of my future last name.  Beyatch.  😛
    I will be adding to the bad first date blog in a bit…figured my date with Greg P. should make the cut.  Ew.

    February 28, 2007 at 1:31 pm

  21. Cat

    So, it\’s almost 24 hours later, where\’s our Greg P. story? And do you mean Greg P as in Greg? Like, the one I would know?

    March 1, 2007 at 10:44 am

  22. Cat

    I am soooo sorry:
    "He is married to Rena Polley and has three kids"    😦
    You might want to insist he gets a divorce before he marries you…
    His brother\’s name is Loftus. Poor guy. Who would do that to a kid?

    March 1, 2007 at 10:50 am

  23. sandy

    A) Yes, I mean Greg P., the one you know.
    B) I will get to the story soon.
    C) I know he\’s married to Rena Polley, but I don\’t care. (Kids are Devin, Emma and Sam and I would make a great step-mom).
    D) I wondered the same thing…maybe it\’s a family name.

    March 1, 2007 at 11:28 am

  24. Anic

    LOL! Oh Sandy Sandy… I\’m definitely keeping the shirt! Can I call you on Monday?

    March 5, 2007 at 2:18 am

  25. sandy

    Anic, I\’d prefer if you called me Sandy, but whatever floats your boat, babe. Haha.

    March 5, 2007 at 1:15 pm

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