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Archive for May, 2010

Happy Apple Blossom!!

Yep!  It’s THAT time of year again.  Time for drinks and laughter and parades and crowds and all kinds of TROUBLE.  🙂  But (mostly) in a good way.  I am missing my crew tho…the originals: Jenn, Kim, the French boys: Mikey, Sylvio, Joey Squeak, etc., Tasha, Paula, Jesse, and of late, Amy.  This year I am looking at doing the grown up family thing and going to the parade with Blair and Abby.  Should be a fun time, regardless.  Especially since the weather is supposed to be super warm (HELL-to-the-no rain!). 
I have been thinking lately (after re-reading some of my older post) that I may have to get on with the funnier Weekend Updates.  I got a good chuckle out of myself.  🙂  Those were the days, eh?  I am off to Ottawa sometime next week for some meetings but I’m thinking that at some point I will make the attempt to make historical notes of the weekend past (*ahem* being Apple Blossom).
Have fun, be cool and don’t drink and drive…other than that: "Fuck It!  It’s Apple Blossom!!!"


Okay….I need some help. You know how we all have our issues?  Well, my issues have been the same since I was little…and they ALL revolve around my shitty self esteem.  And the WORST thing about having a shitty self esteem (for me) is the jealousy that pops up.  I have made it my goal to work on myself from the inside out, although, for me, it would make sense to fix myself from the outside in.  But that’s my sad way of thinking.
The thing is, I KNOW I’m a good person.  And I’m smart, educated, funny, friendly, outgoing, loving and pretty darn awesome all around.  But I always attribute the outer shell as the most important virtue.  Let’s be honest, the outer shell is what people see.  The outer shell is what will attract someone to starting up a conversation with me, or wanting to hire me (Let’s face it…my super hot resume is what will get me an interview but my ability to be damn wicked (combined) is what will get me the job.  I have proven this theory more than once. 
I have owned that my self esteem problems are just that: MY PROBLEMS.  But I can’t deny that they affect other people.  They have ruined relationships in the past, they have caused me more pain (physical, mental and emotional) than you can even imagine.  These problems are the most unflattering traits ever and I wish I didn’t have to own up to them.  But I do.  What can I say?  I SUCK.  But I have made the motion to work at it and eventually fix it.  I’ve been fighting these demons since I was a small, SMALL child (I can remember every single hurtful thing ever said to me, by both other children and adults {thank you Uncle P.}).  The time to stop is now.  Well, actually, the time to stop was 30 years ago, but, well, we can’t do anything about that now, can we??
I have accepted the fact that I am NEVER going to look like Cindy Crawford, Alyssa Milano or Demi Moore (that would take A LOT of money and "work" and let’s face it…I’m poor and not that disciplined).  I can do what’s best for my body but you know what?  That’s the point I’m trying to make here.  Here I am trying to say I’m going to work on my issues and I bring myself right back to making myself look better.  WTF is wrong with me?????   Here’s the thing:  I lost 65 pounds a few years ago, I eat well and exercise daily.  I take good care of myself.  But you would think that losing all that weight would make me more secure with myself.  That I would believe that I am "worthy" of whatever the hell it is that I should be worthy of.  I need to base my worth on ME and not what I look like.  Hello people???  I need some help here.  I need to focus more on FIXING this damn thing with my focus.  Because in all honesty, it’s my focus that’s the problem.  The problem isn’t with the way I look or how good of a person I am.  The problem is that I base my worth on the wrong thing.  I need to readjust my mind set and get over myself.
So, let’s try this again, shall we?  My goal is  to work on my issues with self esteem, self perception and jealousy (I can be a real asshole with that one, ya know).  But I’m working on it.  So, if any of y’all ever hear me putting myself down or saying something really stupid, you have my permission to punch me in the face or something.  Seriously.  I will deserve.  Especially the jealousy thing.  Blair, if you’re reading this…that goes for you too…feel free to punch me for being a jealous asshole.  Tongue out  I’ll be sure to either not tell my dad or hide his shotgun (and shovel).
On another note:  Amy had her babies….early.  I will be updating their progression.  AMY:  WTH?  We had plans this week, Dick!  Heheh.  JK.  Thanks for making me Aunt Sandy.
Speaking of Aunt Sandy.  I was visiting the boys yesterday and when I was leaving Jamie was playing Connect Four (I.LOVE.THE.EIGHTIES!!!!!) with Terry.  He finally piped up and said "Daddy, I want to play with Aunt Sandy….I can beat her."  Yeaahhhhh….he’s five.
Cheers y’all.

A little something for now….

Hello all!  It’s been a little bit since I posted something of my own..and not too many commented on my favorite things so I figured now is as good a time as any to update.
Well, it was an interesting month with my layoff and all.  I enjoyed my time off…spent lots of time with the man and the cat and some friends.  I went on TONS of interviews and had some offeres.  (Un)fortunately, many of the companies I interviewed with weren’t willing to pay very much so I was happy to continue to hold off for the right job…and it’s paid off.  BIG TIME!!  (That information is due to come at a later date but let me just say this: I.LOVE.MY.JOB!!!  Open-mouthed  I really REALLY do!  So far, so good.  And this is an opportunity for me to do big things and to grow as an employee and a person.  (I know, LAME-O!)
Everything else seems to be going really well.  Blair and I have made a decision (no we’re not getting married, but the details of that will come soon too) and I’m still loving Zumba (Zumba Zumba Zumba!!!).  The weather is starting to make a turn for the better again (Easter weekend with its high of 25 spoiled me rotten) and I’m looking forward to the sun and the warmth.  (Deanna, I love you for our hike today!)
I’m back to reading the second part of The Witching Hour.  I finally got hold of the second book of the series (thank you, Jesse) and I’m working my way thru it.  It’s not as difficult a read as the first book (TWH) and hopefully this won’t take me a very painful year and a half to read.
So last week I was super excited to win tickets (thru Bluerodeo.com) to the new Canadian movie "Gunless" (www.gunless.ca) starring Paul Gross and many other great Canadian actors (ie. the very yummy Callum Keith Rennie) {Blue Rodeo has provided new music for the soundtrack}.  The tickets were for the PREMIER in Halifax for Thursday evevning.  Unfortunately, the tickets didn’t arrive until yesterday (Friday).  F***!!!  Oh well….in the end I saved money on gas with driving to the City.  Bummer tho.
Anyways, that’s it for now.  Updates to come soon.
Cheers y’all!
Oh….PS….a little shout out  to my cousin Tanya whose family kitty had passed on yesterday morning.  RIP Fluffy.  Follow the bright light. Cat face