Welcome to SANDYLAND!!

Meeting of the A-Hole Club!!

EDIT NOTE:  Wordpress is being a dick again and NOT letting me edit this post properly…so text is all over the place and not matching all the photos correctly.  I’ll continue to work on it but it might just be too damn bad.  😉
Alrighty, a little bit of an R-rated post here….my friend Jaime and I are assholes together.  We admit it.  We’re okay with it. And a few years ago we created the Asshole Club.  We make fun of everything and everyone….we laugh until we cry….or come close to peeing our pants.  Welcome to a peek into a meeting.  🙂

We take photos of ourselves in skinny mirrors.

We take photos of ourselves in skinny mirrors.

The other day Jaime and I took a road trip into the City to do some Christmas shopping.  We arrived before the malls were even open.  Of course, the first thing we did was make our way to the facilities because, as I’ve mentioned before, I have the bladder control of a newborn and need to pee…constantly.  The mall was promoting having your photo taken with Santa and plastered on every mirror in every bathroom was a creepy picture of Santa….peering over his shoulder.  So, of course, we had the perfect photo-op.  It was early and it made us giggle.      Sshhhh ….Santa’s Watching!

Jaime & Santa

Once we were done at the first mall in Dartmouth we had to make our way to the second mall in Halifax.  We both hate driving in the City and have our particular paths to and from so we were taking the long way back.  Neither of us were paying much attention and somehow ended up at the Bridge.  Not cool.  I was panicking because there’s no place to pull over, we didn’t have a dollar between us and we were not able to turn around.  I ended up first in a MacPass lane (which, if you don’t have a MacPass, you’re screwed)….so I scooted over to another lane…..another effing MacPass lane!  What the hell??  Keep in mind, there are cars coming from every direction and here I am nonchalantly trying to maneuver my way into a lane without getting smashed into.  The farthest lane had an actual human toll person in it so I was working my way over to him….but, it’s a lot harder than it sounds.  At one point I was actually pointing my car sideways trying to get thru the lack of traffic at that specific second.  Finally I pulled into a vacant MacPass Lane and put on my 4-way flashers and made Jaime get out to go talk to the toll person.  Luckily she went b/c she’s not able to drive a stick and wouldn’t it be my luck for an ambulance to come screeching thru the traffic.  I had to pull up and off to the side to let him thru.  He waved to thank me.  Then came Jaime running thrudodging traffic to get back to my car.  She hopped in and said the toll guy yelled at her to “get back in your car lady!!” so we said EFF IT! and took off.  Laughing our asses off at the little adventure we’d just had.  I sincerely hope I do not get a fine in the mail for going thru the bridge without paying the toll.  But, it was probably worth it just for the laughs we got from it.  😀

Once at the other mall we parked underground.  Trying to get out ended up being another adventure.  Now, keep in mind that I have been parking underground for years.  But, for some reason, I ended up being a simpleton the other day.  The sign was OUT and was clearly placed and POINTING down a particular lane so we went down that lane.  We went left…and drove right back to where we’d just come from.  So we went down the lane again and went right…..Right to a dead end. And not a normal dead end…but one that abruptly stops and you have no where to turn around.  WTF?  How are the people who are parked down there supposed to get out?  So, here I am again maneuvering my car so I can turn around and attempt, once again to get out of the dungeon.  Back to the top where we started….IGNORE the Out sign and stupid lying arrow point down the lane…..go straight…right into another dead end.  Are you effing kidding me?????  Who designed this place?  Maneuver…shuffle.  Okay, I’m turned around now and bitching and cursing and trying to find my way out.   Jaime is laughing in hysterics.  FINALLY, we make our way out.  Yay!!!  Daylight.

I know, these stories may not sound like the funniest you’ve heard, but BELIEVE ME, if you were there, you’d be laughing at them too.

Let’s have a look at some of our recent shenanigans  🙂

Jaime puts her jacket on backward b/c she spills her food....note the french fry.

We take inappropriate photos of ourselves in department stores

We like to sit on Santa’s Knee 😀

Jaime & a faceless Santa

Me and a faceless Santa
Me and a faceless Santa
Always a good time…..even if the creepy Santa doesn’t have a face.  And it’s always nice to dream of having a body like that.  🙂
    Jaime has a thing for Puck on Glee.  She took this photo of herself with him (aka the TV) one day and sent it to me.  I almost fell over laughing.
(We take photos of ourselves with imaginary famous tv boyfriends)

We feel bad for poor kittens who have to wear a stupid sweater for a dumb clock picture

we take advantage of any and all cutouts

We also take photos of really cool outfits that we think each other (or others) might “like”:

A really "cool" hoodie

And we take multiple views of some of these cool items.

Another view of the hoodie

The GORGEOUS purse I thought Jaime would love 😉

I saw this wonderful purse one day and, although my initial reaction was “WTF was that designer smoking??” I felt a little selfish being the only person able to enjoy such a tacky spectacular find.  I BBMed it to Jaime.

SOMETIMES We RECRUIT new members:  Welcome, Melissa…you are officially an Asshole!!  🙂

Only a secure person can put on a homemade Care Bear costume and rock out right

Who says Care Bears don’t make you cool?

I am secure enough. Growwwllll.

New recruits hop on the front of a cart and we push them thru the store and parking lot (assholes, I know!)

We like to try new outfits:

Jaime used the extra material from her purse to make a cute little hat. Score!

And it made me want a new hat too!!

Oh…such fun….such chaos….such shenanigans.  Jealous?  No?

From Denis Leary’s ASSHOLE

No, I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
(oh yeah) Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah
I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,
While people behind me are going insane.
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, what an asshole)
I'm an asshole (He's an asshole, such an asshole)

SOMETIMES we like to take photos of funny things:

A Young Mullet

A SUH-WEET Mullet is

ALWAYS a good photo op

SUH-WEEET WALMART MULLET!!

Dawg, eh?

"Woof"

Always take advantage of the word "Douche"

And we make friends where ever we go. (This guy, who we met in Montreal, was actually from Halifax.)

WELL….There you have it….your first lessons on being an ASSHOLE.

We also follow people around to take pictures of their baaaddd outfits.  I’ve guilty of that 3 times this past Friday alone.  But I’ve decided to do a separate post on that topic.  I think it’d be more fun.

Cheers y’all!

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2 responses

  1. Jaime M

    I love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if only wordpress wasn’t being a douche 😦 but still a FANTASTIC blog 🙂

    December 19, 2011 at 2:50 pm

  2. Pingback: A LOOONG WEEKEND « Sandy the Social Butterfly

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