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Archive for August, 2012

Summer Breeze, Makes Me Feel Fine

Today is one of those days that I don’t want to admit to.  It’s one of those gorgeous end of summer days when it feels a little more like *gasp* fall.

The sun is shining and it’s warm but there’s a cool wind breeze and it just doesn’t feel like August.  It’s totally a September day.

Other than the wind rustling the trees there’ve been a few other small details I’ve noted today that made me realize the summer is ending.

1) A few individual fallen leaves (and one pretty red one)

It’s not September yet

2) Acorns all over my yard

I slipped on these and darn near killed myself (maybe a slight exaggeration)

 

But then I look at the beautiful flower garden at the edge of my driveway and I realize that maybe there are still some glorious sunny days ahead.

Happiness in a garden

I’m still looking forward to taking advantage of any opportunities to sit in the sun and being outside and maybe even getting to the beach again.

I have an adventure planned for next weekend (which I am hoping to post about) so I refuse to believe that summer is over.  There’s still time left to enjoy.

Cheers.

 


When Bad Clothes Happen to…..Oh, MY EYES!!!!!!

I love fashion.  I love clothes.  And sometimes it is overwhelming and frustrating when I see crimes against fashion.  Laziness and bad taste are the causes of a lot of the atrocities I see on the streets.  And my opinion (even if I’m being a jerk) is if you’re wearing it in public then it’s open season for you!  See below for a few of the crimes I’ve witnessed.

#1  This girl was adorable from the front but when she got in line in front of me I was disgusted.  Not because her clothes were several sizes too big and because her pants were jammed up her butt, but moreso because her butt was soaked with what I can only assume was sweat (if you look closely you can see the stains).  Road trip?

Ouch! And ew.

#2  Angie Whoreface and I were out for a walk thru Town on our lunch break one day and this woman appeared in front of us.  I couldn’t resist snapping a pic of her lame ensemble, complete with Billy Ray Cyrus’ tassled suede jacket.  What made this even better….she ended up being Angie’s coworker.

Hello 90’s!

#3  This guy (the bald one) we refer to as Super Mario.  He’s recently decided that he wants to start wearing women’s clothes.  Usually he stands around in our small town in bright stilettos but this day I happened to catch him in flats…and spandex…and a girl’s tank top…and…..*sigh*

A little confused….

#4  A ONESIE?  Seriously?  No thank you.

On the streets of our fashion capital. *SAD FACE*
I expected more from you, Montreal.

#5, 6 and 7  PAJAMA PANTS!!

I’m sorry, it should be against the law for anyone over the age of 4 to wear pajamas out in public.  They’re atrocious.  And it sorta unsanitary and just a result of pure laziness.  My theory:  If you’re too lazy to get dressed….STAY HOME!!

No.

The stripes (above) were bad.

No No!

You can’t really see the above photo too well but the woman was wearing Eeyore pj pants.  Lame.  You’re a grown up!

No No No!!

This woman was NASTY!  I almost got my ass kicked trying to get this photo on Christmas Eve (at Walmart).  She was wearing yellow pj pants, a dirty over-sized sweatshirt and a knitted child’s hat with ears and a nose.  I snapped a few pics and had to boot ‘er down the aisles.  🙂  (And yes I am proud of my accomplishment.)

#8  Take a good look.  So many things wrong with both these outfits.

Double trouble

#9  This lady (aged probably late 40’s – 50) walked out of the bank ahead of me.  She was wearing super high heels from the 80’s, a super short skirt and a camisole.  Not a cute cami top but an actual camisole.  It was see thru and not appropriate for public wear.  She also had some crazy-ass teased hair and loads of black and blue eye shadow.  Perdy.

Undies on the outside

#10  This gal was wearing “work” boots, partly unlaced, too-tight jeans major belt buckle bling.  We’re not in the wild west.  Blair laughed when I snuck this picture.

Boots and Buckles

#11  This young girl (probably around 18 or 19) was super adorable in her strapless sundress.  The only problem with it was that it was way too short.  Things were peeking out from underneath.  The photo doesn’t do it justice…it was seriously short.  Other than that she would have been okay.

Cute but……

#12  This young girl (left) was walking thru Town with who I assumed was her mother.   Her entire outfit was a mess but the worst part, like above, was that it was too short.   Her butt cheeks were hanging out every which way…among other things.   I don’t understand why her parent (or whoever this older person with her is) didn’t say something….then again, look at that mess.

Cheeky

#13  This poor person…yikes!  Sort of the opposite of the two above.  Her jeans were so tight there was no way for anything to escape.  That big black line up the back of her jeans…that’s actual cheek separation.  Amy and I spotted her while out for dinner and we nearly lost our appetites.

Keep it separated.

#14   This idiot couldn’t be bothered to dress properly.  Instead she wrapped a blanket around her and wore it shopping.

A blankie is NOT an outfit!

#15  Is that Minnie Mouse?  Is it a portrait from the 80’s??  NO!  It’s a big ass hair bow LEFTOVER from the 80’s.

Minnie Mouse

#16  Too tight jeans.  Whiskers.  Multi-wash.  Sandals with socks.  Need I say more?

Oh no….

#17   Did you skin a collie to make those boots?  Or did you beat up a cheerleader and steal her pom poms?

Cheerleading Pom Poms

#18  & 19  MUFFIN TOP

Ladies and Gentleman….if you happen to have a little muffin top please try and dress for your body type.  Muffin top is NOT something you’re born with.  It’s not genetic.  It’s not a curse.  Muffin top is simply a result of not dressing properly.  If you find yourself with some muffin top the remedy is simple…bigger clothes.  If your muffin top is spilling over the sides of your pants it’s because your pants are too tight.  There’s nothing wrong with having extra weight.  What’s wrong is not dressing for it.  You want to flatter your body, not hide it.  (And for future incidents…if your MT spills out….please just pull your shirt down.)

Do you know the muffin man?

Your Muffin Top is showing.

Yikes! It’s still showing.

#20  This poor boy had a helluva time trying to unload his trunk.  Things would have been easier for him had he pulled up his pants.  they were down to the back of his knees by the time traffic started again and we caught up to him.  *sigh* Boys.

Low Riding

#21  Butt Literature

I am not really a big fan of writing on one’s ass.  But this girl’s pants actually said  “Heffer”….seriously.  So wrong.

What an ass!

 

Well this was fun.  🙂  I’m sure I’ll hear some backlash from this but I’m okay with it.  There are tons of websites out there devoted to bad dressers (People of Walmart, Glamour’s DON’Ts, etc.)…so I’m not the first.  If you wanna send me a photo or two to add that would be HILARIOUS!  I’d love some contributions.

Cheers.


A Good Boy

I just had to post this.

Two nights ago Blair and I had dinner with my family, including my brother, S-I-L, and nephews.   J., who is 7 had showed me his wiggly tooth earlier on (he and Abby think it’s funny to gross me out with their wiggly teeth and eventual holes in their faces. *barf*).  Partway thru dinner J. was eating a roll and when I looked at him he had his finger over his lips like he was pondering or deep in thought.

Hmmmm?

I asked him what he was doing and he half smirked but said nothing so I figured he just had a mouthful of dinner roll.  But, as it turned out he had lost his tooth.  😀

Of course, there was a little excitement and poor little A. (who is 4) was a little sad because he still has quite some time before his teeth are wiggly like J.’s.

Last night I called J. and asked him if the tooth fairy came.  He said “YES!!  And she brought me FIVE DOLLARS!!”

I could hear my mother chattering in the background so I asked him what he did with the money the tooth fairy left him. “I gave it to A.”

What?  Who does that?  Not normally a 7 year old!

I said “J., you are such a good boy.  That was a very nice thing to do.”  His reply….”Yeah, it was.”

Obviously Aunt Sandy is gonna sneak him a treat or slip him another 5 bucks.  I’m very proud.

CHEESE!!

PS Sorry Cat.  xoxoxoxo

 


CHINA DOLLS

I’ve been asked recently to help a friend (a special effects artist) build a haunted house for charity for Halloween, something I’ve helped with in the past.  But just the other day during discussions he brought up “The Doll Room” and asked if I can get my hands on some old dolls to creep out the room.  MY POINT EXACTLY!!

What I mean is, have you ever noticed that dolls almost always play a really bad role in horror movies.  Especially those damn china dolls.

Dolls are always popping up in horror movies to add some ominous effect.  I’m not sure how a child’s toy ended up portraying something evil, but then again, I wonder who designed some of these things.  I mean, seriously?  These are kids’ toys, right?

Tell me that thing’s not creepy!

Regardless of how the china doll originated, you can nearly guarantee that she’ll end up in a scary movie; Stone faced, eyes flickering…or opening on their own; acting aloof but (un)knowingly planning your demise; moving into the light from the depths of darkness.  Creepy.

I never had a china doll.  I’m thinking my parents knew better.  But I did have a doll with those rolling eyes and I hated it.

Eyes open. Eyes closed. Eyes open. I see you.

Again, whose idea was it to put opening and closing eyes on a friggin’ doll!?  No wonder so many kids have nightmares.   Whoever designed them – *sigh* – you couldn’t paint a smile on their faces?  You couldn’t make them look a little more angelic?  A little less sinister?  A little less like psychotic murderers?   Leave me my Barbies and Care Bears, PLEASE!

I am nearly certain that these toys go unplayed with.  Who would want to play with something that is more likely to make you s**t your pants than want to cuddle.  If anyone had ever given me that type of doll as a child you can guarantee it would have gotten locked in a drawer and the person who gifted it would have gotten slapped!  Horrible gift!

You may as well give a kid a Chucky doll to play with because they’re pretty much the same thing.

Wanna play??

The china doll sits right up there with a clown.  (I mean, there aren’t many things much scarier than a clown! WORST.IDEA.EVER!!!)

Who wants this guy at their next birthday party??

Even “Toy Story 3” knew what side the doll was on and it wasn’t the “Good” side….poor Big Baby….you almost feel sorry for him…evil freak.

Big Baby…..scary ass toy!

So, the next time you’re watching a movie and you see that damned doll sitting on a shelf or left on a floor in a playroom, you can pretty much guarantee that the movie is gonna end up being scary as hell and the doll will make another appearance at some point.  They usually do.  They’re never a good sign.

Cheers!


Dinner for Two

This past weekend I had had plans to have a girls’ night in the City.  A plan that had been in the works for more than a month.  But as life happens, all my girls but one dropped out.

So my dear friend Lisa and I had ourselves a night on the town and it was a blast.

Me and Lisa havin’ a good time!

We were dressed up pretty in heels (with flip flops in my purse) and dresses and headed out for drinks and a nice dinner.

We started out with some wine at the bar while we waited for our table.

I’m not a lush, I swear.

But once seated we had ourselves a gorgeous dinner.

Dinner for Two

Lisa’s dinner…yum!

My delish dinner (and my half eaten roll)..mm.

 

My wonderful dinner date….always having a good time together.

We had so much fun laughing, catching up, checking out old photos (and reliving moments) on Facebook.

Several highlights of the night:

– Both of us getting carded….and when my ID was checked the bouncer saying “WOW!  Good for you!”   (Thank you, kind sir, for making me appreciate that I still don’t look as old as my damn ass is.  Thank you!)

– Strolling thru the City in my 4 inch Steve Madden stilettos and NOT breaking anything.

– Having a couple of drunken out-of-towners following us, begging us to take them for dinner, telling us we were too young for them because we’re “only 20” (*sigh* If they only knew).  And me finally telling them:  “We’re.Not.INTERESTED!”

– Getting checked out.  I’m in a committed relationship, but come on ladies and gentlemen….is it not always flattering?

– Getting to pee at cousin Tanya’s and seeing her City dwelling for the first time and reliving some of the evening antics, which prevented her from eating her Angry Whopper because I was “more entertaining.”  Always a pleasure, Tanya.

And then the drive back to Lisa’s was an event on its own.  I sometimes get a little ghetto obnoxious and here are some of the things that came out of my mouth on the way back* (*Lisa texted herself everything I said) :

– You will see I’m totally in the wrong lane but I just don’t give a fuck. It’s foggy, yo!

– I’m totally in the wrong lane

– (as I’m pulling into a drive thru for a late night drive coffee, and in a creepy Hitchcockian voice):  Oh hello, what’s up, yo! I need me a coffee, yo!

– We just gonna hit the highway, yo!

So, I’m not really sure where or why the ‘yo’ originated, but in our late-night stupors, it was pretty funny.

Anyway, that was some of the shenanigans from my night with Lisa.  PLUS, here’s an additional shout out to my Lisa-Lou who got engaged on Friday!  CONGRATS, YO!

Bling! Can you skate on that thing?

So…for all the girls who cut out from the other night and to any who are interested….one month from now….we’ll do it again!

Cheers!


The Street Dance

Dancing in the Street….duh!

When I was in elementary school, back in the 80’s, our towns hosted the Street Dance.  They were a blast!!  Especially to my pre-teenaged self.

Back in those days, in certain summer nights, the Town would shut down a certain street, turn up the music, and let us loose.

In school – striking a pose – preparing for the summer dance offs (that’s me in the yellow – awkward)

I remember huge crowds of people, mostly teenagers and youngin’s such as myself (and my best friend Jocelyn).

Jocelyn and me – Not street dancing but having fun nonetheless. xo

Our moms would stands on the side walks while we got Footloose and fancy free – attempting our Cyndi Lauper and pre-Vogue-Madonna moves.  It was clean, good natured fun.

We WISHED we were this cool

Eventually the events got moved to a mall parking lot but remained “the street dance.”

I don’t know if this type of thing still exists (and if it doesn’t, it totally should be resurrected!) in other communities, I know it doesn’t any longer in my communities.  (Tho several towns ’round these parts host outside movie nights.  Not quite the same thing, tho.)

I think my love of the street dance mostly stemmed from being so and sheltered and not having a lot any other girls to play with in my neighborhood (I was the only girl surrounded by a bunch of boys.  It sucked royally!) so getting out and acting like a kid AND a grown up with my best friend was so much fun.  I loved getting dressed up and rockin’ out my punky looks and just having fun.  Definite good times.

Always love my girls!

Does anyone have similar memories?

Cheers!