Welcome to SANDYLAND!!

When Bad Clothes Happen to…..Oh, MY EYES!!!!!!

I love fashion.  I love clothes.  And sometimes it is overwhelming and frustrating when I see crimes against fashion.  Laziness and bad taste are the causes of a lot of the atrocities I see on the streets.  And my opinion (even if I’m being a jerk) is if you’re wearing it in public then it’s open season for you!  See below for a few of the crimes I’ve witnessed.

#1  This girl was adorable from the front but when she got in line in front of me I was disgusted.  Not because her clothes were several sizes too big and because her pants were jammed up her butt, but moreso because her butt was soaked with what I can only assume was sweat (if you look closely you can see the stains).  Road trip?

Ouch! And ew.

#2  Angie Whoreface and I were out for a walk thru Town on our lunch break one day and this woman appeared in front of us.  I couldn’t resist snapping a pic of her lame ensemble, complete with Billy Ray Cyrus’ tassled suede jacket.  What made this even better….she ended up being Angie’s coworker.

Hello 90’s!

#3  This guy (the bald one) we refer to as Super Mario.  He’s recently decided that he wants to start wearing women’s clothes.  Usually he stands around in our small town in bright stilettos but this day I happened to catch him in flats…and spandex…and a girl’s tank top…and…..*sigh*

A little confused….

#4  A ONESIE?  Seriously?  No thank you.

On the streets of our fashion capital. *SAD FACE*
I expected more from you, Montreal.

#5, 6 and 7  PAJAMA PANTS!!

I’m sorry, it should be against the law for anyone over the age of 4 to wear pajamas out in public.  They’re atrocious.  And it sorta unsanitary and just a result of pure laziness.  My theory:  If you’re too lazy to get dressed….STAY HOME!!

No.

The stripes (above) were bad.

No No!

You can’t really see the above photo too well but the woman was wearing Eeyore pj pants.  Lame.  You’re a grown up!

No No No!!

This woman was NASTY!  I almost got my ass kicked trying to get this photo on Christmas Eve (at Walmart).  She was wearing yellow pj pants, a dirty over-sized sweatshirt and a knitted child’s hat with ears and a nose.  I snapped a few pics and had to boot ‘er down the aisles.  🙂  (And yes I am proud of my accomplishment.)

#8  Take a good look.  So many things wrong with both these outfits.

Double trouble

#9  This lady (aged probably late 40’s – 50) walked out of the bank ahead of me.  She was wearing super high heels from the 80’s, a super short skirt and a camisole.  Not a cute cami top but an actual camisole.  It was see thru and not appropriate for public wear.  She also had some crazy-ass teased hair and loads of black and blue eye shadow.  Perdy.

Undies on the outside

#10  This gal was wearing “work” boots, partly unlaced, too-tight jeans major belt buckle bling.  We’re not in the wild west.  Blair laughed when I snuck this picture.

Boots and Buckles

#11  This young girl (probably around 18 or 19) was super adorable in her strapless sundress.  The only problem with it was that it was way too short.  Things were peeking out from underneath.  The photo doesn’t do it justice…it was seriously short.  Other than that she would have been okay.

Cute but……

#12  This young girl (left) was walking thru Town with who I assumed was her mother.   Her entire outfit was a mess but the worst part, like above, was that it was too short.   Her butt cheeks were hanging out every which way…among other things.   I don’t understand why her parent (or whoever this older person with her is) didn’t say something….then again, look at that mess.

Cheeky

#13  This poor person…yikes!  Sort of the opposite of the two above.  Her jeans were so tight there was no way for anything to escape.  That big black line up the back of her jeans…that’s actual cheek separation.  Amy and I spotted her while out for dinner and we nearly lost our appetites.

Keep it separated.

#14   This idiot couldn’t be bothered to dress properly.  Instead she wrapped a blanket around her and wore it shopping.

A blankie is NOT an outfit!

#15  Is that Minnie Mouse?  Is it a portrait from the 80’s??  NO!  It’s a big ass hair bow LEFTOVER from the 80’s.

Minnie Mouse

#16  Too tight jeans.  Whiskers.  Multi-wash.  Sandals with socks.  Need I say more?

Oh no….

#17   Did you skin a collie to make those boots?  Or did you beat up a cheerleader and steal her pom poms?

Cheerleading Pom Poms

#18  & 19  MUFFIN TOP

Ladies and Gentleman….if you happen to have a little muffin top please try and dress for your body type.  Muffin top is NOT something you’re born with.  It’s not genetic.  It’s not a curse.  Muffin top is simply a result of not dressing properly.  If you find yourself with some muffin top the remedy is simple…bigger clothes.  If your muffin top is spilling over the sides of your pants it’s because your pants are too tight.  There’s nothing wrong with having extra weight.  What’s wrong is not dressing for it.  You want to flatter your body, not hide it.  (And for future incidents…if your MT spills out….please just pull your shirt down.)

Do you know the muffin man?

Your Muffin Top is showing.

Yikes! It’s still showing.

#20  This poor boy had a helluva time trying to unload his trunk.  Things would have been easier for him had he pulled up his pants.  they were down to the back of his knees by the time traffic started again and we caught up to him.  *sigh* Boys.

Low Riding

#21  Butt Literature

I am not really a big fan of writing on one’s ass.  But this girl’s pants actually said  “Heffer”….seriously.  So wrong.

What an ass!

 

Well this was fun.  🙂  I’m sure I’ll hear some backlash from this but I’m okay with it.  There are tons of websites out there devoted to bad dressers (People of Walmart, Glamour’s DON’Ts, etc.)…so I’m not the first.  If you wanna send me a photo or two to add that would be HILARIOUS!  I’d love some contributions.

Cheers.

Advertisements

One response

  1. Amy

    Oh my. This is too funny. I didn’t realize people do go out and wear a blankets, lol!!! She must have been cold. It’s always cold at the superstore. The guy with the spandex “Oh my!” That’s really bad! Well he must be gay. No offence to anybody, nothing wrong with that.
    All he need it was a wig and he could be dress in drag. :). I just think if your gonna dress like that take it all the way.
    I feel bad for these people, well kind of knowing your out there Sandy taking their picture, lol.
    This was a good blog very funny! I got a good laugh. Made my day.

    August 29, 2012 at 10:11 am

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s