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Surviving the Zombie Apocalypse

Now that The Walking Dead has ended for the season (big BOO!!) I can finally sit down and share with you my plans for avoiding surviving the Zombie Apocalypse, aside from putting a chair against my door to keep them out.

In the event that my future BFF Norman Reedus (see here) is unavailable (as Daryl Dixon) with his cross bow
daryl-dixon-funny-zombie-pictures here are some other ideas that will save me from said Apocalypse:

– Lead zombies to treadmills. They’ll walk for infinity.

– Play Michael Jackson’s Thriller…because it’s awesome and all zombies should partake in the Thriller dance. It just makes sense.

– Play loudly Carly Rae Jepsom’s Call Me Maybe because that song is annoyingly catchy and it makes everyone want to join in and sing and dance.

– Ask zombies to “Use their words.” (That’ll stump ’em.)

– Introduce them to Alicia Silverstone’s The Kind Diet. (Vegan zombies don’t eat people.)

– Hug. More than likely the zombies are just having a bad day. And everybody likes a good hug.

– If you get bit by a zombie….pee on your wound (or, do as Joey and Chandler do and “step up” to pee on your friends) because, let’s face it, a zombie bite is probably the same as a jellyfish sting. Right?

– Do like Katniss What’s-her-head and sleep in a tree. Zombies can’t climb trees. They’re stuck on the treadmill, remember?

– Let George Clooney calm them down. That man could talk me into anything.

Um...what was I saying?

Um…what was I saying?

– Ask the zombies to decipher Shakespeare or to figure out a math equation. Zombies hate math.

– Invite zombies to partake in a chubby bunny contest. Maybe they’ll choke on their marshmallows.

– Send them on an Easter egg hunt but don’t hide any eggs. 🙂 (This works to keep children occupied well.)


5 responses

  1. The treadmill is genius!

    April 4, 2013 at 9:53 am

    • I thought so. And I thought the “use your words” line would work but half the time it doesn’t work with humans so hope might be gone on that one.

      April 4, 2013 at 9:56 am

  2. and keep ketchup out of the house! Nothing can make a zombie hungrier than when he / she gets a look at some ketchup. Raw meat and ketchup mmmmm!

    April 8, 2013 at 11:43 am

    • Well I’m in luck because I don’t have any ketchup in my house. That’s me…always one step ahead of zombies.

      April 8, 2013 at 11:45 am

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