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Archive for May, 2013

If The Walking Dead Did Karaoke (Part 1)

Just for fun and because I’m bored, I thought it would be fun to post some songs that would be appropriate for the characters of The Walking Dead if they went to karaoke night.

Daryl Dixon – Brother Down (Sam Roberts)

Rick Grimes & The Governor (as the devil) – The Devil Went Down to Georgia (The Charlie Daniels Band)

Carl Grimes – Mama Who Bore Me (Spring Awakening)

Lori Grimes – Bitch (Meredith Brooks)

Rick, Daryl and the Gang (to the Governor) – We’re Not Gonna Take It (Twisted Sister) (PLUS THIS VIDEO IS AWESOME!!)

Carol (to Daryl) – On My Own (Les Mis)

Andrea – On My Own (Hedley)


Big Fish

I saw this photo (one of many) today.

Yikes!

Yikes!

This monster fish was caught in the Bay of Fundy, here in Nova Scotia. This is just another example of WHY I DO NOT GO IN THE WATER!!!!!

Good Grief! Imagine if this is just the baby? That would mean there’s an angry mama (and papa) out there, swimming around, waiting to take revenge on the fisherman who caught their baby.

WAIT….it gets better.

Do I really need to give more reasons to swim in pools???

Do I really need to give more reasons to swim in pools???

This fish was caught in Yarmouth, Nova Scotia in 2004 during the annual Shark Scramble** (derby) {Which I totally do not agree with, BTW}. This beautiful Mako is one of the scariest things I’ve seen. Wanna know why? Because it’s too effing close for comfort, that’s why. Nova Scotia is known as Canada’s Ocean Playground (no really, that’s what it says on our license plates). Our tiny province is surrounded by water…the Gulf of Saint Lawrence to the north, the Bay of Fundy to the west, the Gulf of Maine to the southwest, and Atlantic Ocean to the southeast. Last year a Great White Shark was caught in our Bay of Fundy and last summer a shark washed up on the shore not too far from where we live. My friend Sam got some great pics with it.

Rumor is that the shark got caught on that wharf thingy and drowned.  *sad face*

Rumor is that the shark got caught on that wharf thingy and drowned. *sad face*

Look man, I LOVE sharks. Love them. I look forward to Shark Week every year, I’m fascinated by sharks. I really wanted to study oceanography. BUT, that would require me going in the water and baby won’t do that. HELL TO THE NO!! At this point in my life I do not like going in lakes. Even man-made lakes. Because we really don’t know what’s in there. (I really need to thank Blair for making me watch River Monsters. Really.) When I went to Mexico a few years ago I made sure that, when I was swimming, I a) Didn’t go out too deep b ) stayed really close to that chunky hairy guy because he had more meat on his bones and would be more satisfying to the appetite.

I’ve seen photos and heard legends over the years about the sturgeon and the trout and the halibut and the sharks in the waters of Nova Scotia. Now that I’ve continuosly seen proof I am even happier to marinate in sunscreen and bake on the beach.

**Check on the site of the Yarmouth Shark Scramble for info, pics and verification on the story: http://www.yarmouthsharkscramble.com/

Cheers!


Favorite TV Moments of the Week

I am lame. And because I am lame I am posting my two favorite TV moments of this past week.

#1 – Monday night I was at Amy Whoreface’s to watch the series finale of 90210 (because I felt I owed it to the original series to watch the redux). While Ames and I were chillin’ on the couch, gossiping, waiting for the show to start we had the TV running in the background. The latest Old Navy ad came on…the one with Boyz II Men. Amy said “That little girl creeps me out.” I hadn’t really paid much attention to the commercial before but when it ran again during the next round of ads I watched.

(The little girl comes on at 15 seconds in)

I laughed my ass off. That little girl reminds me of all the creepy little girls in Japanese horror films (The Ring {Ringu}, The Grudge, etc. And now, everytime that ad pops onto the screen I’m in stitches. Creepy. But funny.

#2 – I love me some New Girl. I think the show is quirky and offbeat and hysterical..and Zooey Deschanel is the shizz. So, the other night I was watching the season finale with CeCe’s wedding. During her traditional Indian ceremony, as she’s walking down the aisle to traditional Indian music, the antics ensued: The Indian music abruptly stops and “Cotton Eyed Joe” starts playing. Spontaneously. Loudly.** (I tried to insert a video of the scene but my video program apparently is not compatible with WordPress and I’m not technologically advanced enough to figure it out. Sorry, y’all.) The moment was instantly hilarious. The look on Zooey’s And Schmidt’s) face has had me rewinding and replaying numerous times. And what follows is Nick’s relentless fist pumping to CEJ because “It’s so catchy!” Very Effing Funny.

New Girl


Flour Child (or Stupid Mistakes You Make When You’re 14)

When I was in junior high my friend, Becca had a no-parent-in-attendance sleepover. There were 4 of us girls in attendance: Becca, Me, Becky and Cate, but no parents. We were all pretty good kids, non-troublemakers, and our parents either trusted us or else we lied and said there would be parents. I can’t remember.

During our lame night of being 14 (Becca was 15) we watched movies, gossiped and ate junk food – typical for a sleepover in the 90’s. We had been prepared to make a pizza from scratch and veg out in front of the tube. So, we gathered in the kitchen, prepared our toppings and began mixing the dough. And then it started. Someone initiated a flour fight. Not a food fight, but a flour fight. And it got crazy. White powder was everywhere. We nutty little girls were covered in it…head to toe. Including in my eye. So, in a 14 year old semi-panic I feverishly began to flush the flour out. FLUSH. As in use water. Y’know what happens when flour and water mix? Obviously I was not thinking. Then I realized “Aw shit! I have dough in my eye.” It is thoroughly disgusting pulling long strings of dough out of one’s eye. And just when you think you’ve gotten it all out, two days later more strings of dough from deep under your eyeball will emerge and ooze out of your face.

(*note, this is not my cat.  Winston would be pissed)

(*note, this is not my cat. Winston would be pissed)

So, note to all you 14 year old girls (or anyone who generally likes a good food fight), be sure not to include flour in your fight. And if you do include flour and it gets in your eye(s), be sure to not attempt to flush said flour from eye. Just maybe stand in front of a fan with your eyes taped open.

Cheers.


The Wet T-Shirt Story – Redux

Okay, because I’m lame and tired and still partially half sickly (yes, I did say ‘partially half’) I’m not really coming up with many new ideas for posts. I had a really good one last week – the idea came to me while I was working out and I said “I should write that down” but then talked myself out of it thinking I would remember the idea but, yeah, it didn’t happen.

So while I’m remaining lame and trying to come up with ideas I’ve decided, in the meantime, to re-post posts from long ago…the funnier ones, at least. So, here ya go, the first redux. The Wet T-Shirt Story. You’re welcome.


Shizz My Nephews Say

the-funny-kids-adoption-joke

It never ceases to shock me some of the things that my nephews say.

J. and A. (who I lovingly refer to as Boy 1 and Boy 2) are now aged 8 and 5, respectively. Below are some of the humorous things they’ve said over the years.

A few years ago, before J’s 5th birthday, I told him I didn’t want him to turn 5, I wanted him to stay 4. He looked at me, shrugged and said “Aunt Sandy…that’s just the way it goes.”

My nephews love my cat, Winston (who doesn’t?). They love to visit him and will ignore me while chasin him around the house. Last year when the boys were 7 and 4 I had visited and on my way home stopped at the store to get cat food (big fat white cat likes to eat). I ran into my friend Shawn and his girlfriend at the store. Shawn and my brother are friends and, oddly enough, they were on their way to visit my brother. When Shawn arrived he told the kids that he’d just ran into their Aunt Sandy and she was buying cat food. A. said “Aunt Sandy doesn’t even have a cat. She eats the cat food.” And walked away. Shawn was like “whaaaaaat?”
I heard this story 3rd or 4th hand (DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT EAT CAT FOOD!!!) and (even tho it was pretty funny) when I asked A. why he said I eat the cat food he replied “because it’s funny.”

J. & A. were visiting their other grandparents not too long ago A. wanting a piece of candy (or something). His grandfather said he had a sweet tooth. A. inquired as to what that meant. The grandfather told him it means that he likes things that are sweet:
A. “Like chocolate?”
G. “Yes, like chocolate.”
A. “Like candy?”
G. “Yes, like candy.”
A. “Like MY FACE??”
Apparently, little 5 year old A. thinks his face is pretty sweet. In his defense, I do too.

Last year I took J. to the store while I was on my lunch break. My mom gave him $1.00 to buy something (she must think it’s 1950 because you can’t buy too much for a buck). He held his Loonie (that’s what we can the Canadian dollar coin) tightly and roamed the store. He found something he really wanted and it said $1.39. He was quite distraught but I told him I would give him the difference. He was pleased with that and was adamant that he was going to pay for the item on his own in the line. So he stood in front of me, handed the clerk his item. She asked him for $1.60. He instantly screamed “NOOOO!! It SAYS a dollar thirty nine!!!!” The clerk was startled at first then chuckeled. I was laughing and explained to J. that there was a tax we had to pay and it was okay, that I would pay for it. He was very pissed off.

Unfortunately, although he has much love for Winston, A. is allergic to cats and usually when he visits his eyes swell up and he starts sneezing and wheezing (visits are always exciting). He’s usually broken-hearted when he has to leave because he loves Winston so much (apparently, I’m chopped liver). While preparing for one of the boys’ recent birthday party their mom mentioned about doing the family party one day and doing the kiddy party Saturday afternoon. A. started hollering “No kitty party. I’m allergic to cats!!”

Honorable Mentions
Last year I was out shopping with a friend and her 4 year old daughter, Soph. Soph’s dad had given her some change and she was determined to buy some jewelry. When we were finishing up our own shopping, Soph picked out the most hideous bracelet and decided that would be her purchase. When we were out of the store, Soph opened up her bag, slid the bracelet on her arm and said “See…it’s just my size.”

A few months ago I was at Blair’s watching the Golden Girls. Abby came out of her room asked what I was watching. I told her it was a show that was on when her dad and I were younger. She said “was that the Olden days?”

A couple of weeks ago when the sun finally broke thru and we had our first few days of gorgeous spring weather, my friend Jesse had asked her 6 year old daughter, Quinn to pick up her toys several times. The last time Jesse finally said “pick up your toys or I’m throwing them in the garbage.” Quinn replied “Do whatcha gotta do, I’m going outside.” Jesse called me and said “I think my bluff’s been called.”

Cheers!


A Big Baby

sick-duck
The last 4 years or so I’ve been fairly fortunate to have not gotten sick. Especially since everyone around me seems to have been hit with one bug or another. But, since my mystery illness 6 or 7 years ago I haven’t really been hit too hard with anything….a little Strep here, a flu there…and Blair often comments that I don’t get sick (I attribute it all to exercise and clean eating). Again, I’ve been very fortunate. That is until now.

Last Thursday I did my regular 3 hour stint at the gym. I felt good and accomplished when I finally got home at 9 that evening. I felt fine. But Friday morning I woke at 4 with the worst nausea – so bad that I kindly asked Winston to refrain from purring because he was “shaking the bed” – and by the time I finally dragged my ass out of bed a few hours later everything hurt. My entire body ached. My earlobes ached. I didn’t even think that was possible. I was tired and achy and nauseas but I dragged my sorry butt to work anyway. Of course, as soon as I walked thru the door and started a conversation with Miss A. I broke into tears. Then I laughed at how ridiculous I must look. She kindly told me to go home but we had so much on our plates for the day and were also playing host to a few others for a webinar (my life is full of excitement) so I had to stay.

Of course, mid-morning I was in our lunchroom, sacked out on the futon, cuddled up to my Magic Bag trying to minimize the chills that had overcome my body and doing my best to ward off the nausea that still clung to me like a leech. I looked like I was preparing to be a zombie on The Walking Dead. I felt worse. Life was not good.

Shortly after lunch, after doing my best to remain conscious during the webinar, I went home and to bed. I napped on and off. Blair checking on me on occasion..the Plague working its magic on my body. Saturday morning I woke up and the body aches were gone but I now had a full-fledged stomach flu of some sort and I did not leave the house/bed/couch at all that day. I did not sleep Saturday night. My virus would not allow it. This continued for another 3 days. Fevers came and went. I napped on and off. I read a lot. I did not eat or drink. My virus would not allow it. Thursday night’s dinner, after my gym visit, was the last time I’d had any food. Blair was sweet enough to bring me a small bottle of gingerale, which I worked on Saturday and Sunday. But, no food and not a lot of water.

Monday morning I phoned my doctor’s office and explained my symptoms and that I could not eat or drink and that my body would not retain any liquid I attempted. So, my doctor sent me to the hospital for an IV to try to, at least, get my hydration up. But, I’d woken up with a weird ache in my jaw line and with my history with my heart and the current investigation (I saw a heart specialist yesterday), I made mention of it in Triage and the nurse got me hooked up with an EKG right away.

HOWEVER, after waiting at the hospital for several hours before finally getting in to see the doctor on duty, he was sidetracked by my EKG and my previous monitor recordings and completely forgot/overlooked the IV and basically said “you have a bad bug” and told me to pick up some remedy at the drugstore and work on my liquids. I should have punched him right there. Bitch, I could have stayed home and worked on the ass-groove in my couch.

It’s now Thursday. I came back to work yesterday and I ate yesterday. Although my stomach is not as iffy as it was, I’m still dealing with the nausea and dizziness a bit. And I’m tired the hell out…I get winded walking down the hall. Which means I haven’t been able to work out since last Thursday. Boo!! I’m hoping to get some form of exercise in today. I need it. Although, that “bad bug” was great for dropping a few pounds.

flu_bug
I hope none of you get sick. Especially with whateverthehell this “bad bug” is. It isn’t pleasant.

Cheers.