Sunday night I did something I don’t normally do: I saw a horror movie.
I hate horror movies. I used to
really like tolerate them but one day I had an epiphany and changed my mind. Now I hate them. Last October I wrote about the horror movies that scarred me for life. Those are films I will never see again.
The other night was different tho….it was a sneak attack. Blair and I were on our way late Sunday afternoon to visit Emma and he didn’t mention to me until we were in the City that we were likely going to see Insidious Chapter 2. WTF??? I asked him why he didn’t tell me. He said he knew I wouldn’t go if he’d told me. Uh, yer darn right I wouldn’t go. Uggggghh!
And, it being a Sunday evening there was nothing open and no other options for me so I saw that stupid movie under duress. I had my eyes covered and ears plugged for a lot of the movie but the damage has been done. Sunday night I slept with the bathroom light on. Monday night I slept with the bathroom light on. Last night I slept with the bathroom light on. I will probably be sleeping with the damn bathroom light on for the month.
Now, all that being said, I do quite enjoy a scary movie – like Scream and anything else by Kevin Williamson, What Lies Beneath and the sort. So, this October I decided I would prepare for Halloween by watching some semi-scary movies. I’ve got a few on my list:
Wait Until Dark
Trick or Treat
The Wicker Man (original, not Nicholas Cage reboot because he’s a dult and a really.bad.actor.)
Most of the movies I have never seen and there are others on my list that are more light – like Hocus Pocus, which is awesome, and Teen Witch. Because, you know, I’m a huge pussy and I need to be able to sleep with the lights off like a grown up.
I’m hoping to sucker a few people into watching some of these with me. Angie Whoreface will be joining me for the first viewing. I’m sure Blair will help me out a bit but he doesn’t like horror movies much either. Who else is in? Mike H./Chefman – can you make the trip to Canada to do a scary movie with me? Thoughtsy – we can watch Monster Squad together? Andy – you can bring the girlies and we’ll watch Halloween cartoons? Anic & Vanessa – I’d be happy with a visit from ON from either/both of you. (Annie-Lou – that goes for you too….we don’t have to watch scary movies…we can just make up song verses and see how much family trouble we can get into.)
And just in case you’re wondering, I DO have rules for watching scary movies. 1) I don’t watch movies about children. I hate horror movies with kids. I think it’s unnecessary and traumatic and just plain yuck. 2) I don’t like ghost stories. I love What Lies Beneath but it freaks me the hell out. I swear if Harrison Ford wasn’t in it I probably wouldn’t watch it. I don’t like giving ghosts the upper hand. 3) If it’s stupid and cheesy I will talk thru the whole thing and complain how stupid and cheesy it is. 4) If it’s really effin’ scary I will cry. 5) I don’t like movies (horror or not!!) were there’s sexual violence against women. Gross. Disturbing. Annoying. Vomit-inducing. 5) I may make you stay longer than you bargained for. Be prepared to play a game of cards or watch YouTube videos about cute puppies or talk about high school. Because I will need to forget what I just watched. Unless it’s #3 in which I’ll just be angry about how stupid and cheesy the movie was and you might just wanna slip out the door as fast as you can.
Hopefully I can find the movies on the complete list. I don’t get a lot of free time these days – one day a week is usually it – so the plan is to scratch one movie off my Horror Movie Bucket List by the end of this weekend. However, it’s Birthday Week (tomorrow’s the big day – feel free to send presents…or cash…or chocolate) and the weekend is full of shenanigans so I’m not sure if it’s plausible to accomplish. Fingers are crossed.
Stay tuned for more Halloween shenanigans throughout the month.