Know what I kinda miss? Dating. Don’t get me wrong, I am all warm and cozy in my relationship and all but there’s an aspect about dating that I really miss. I think it’s the part about getting to know people. And seeing what kind of ahole they really are.
For instance – I went on a date with a guy the year my ex and I split up. Ex hated this dude (let’s pretend his name is Mark) and I think part of me wanted to say yes to him just for spite. Mark and I are friends now but he’s such a dork that I knew from the absolutely beginning that the date would go nowhere.
Mark took me to a Christmas party at his friend’s home. I knew no one there, but fortunately I am a keener and make friends quickly and am easy to engage so the evening went pretty well. Until Mark decided it would be a brilliant idea to don a dog collar. Yes. That’s what I said…a dog collar. Not just any dog collar but one of those collars that send an electric shock should the dog wearing it do what it’s born to do and bark (these collars should be banned. If you don’t want a dog that barks then get a fish!). Mark was attempting to impress me and show off for his friends – neither of these worked! – so he fastens on the dog collar and, yep, you guessed it, barked. He screamed in agony as the shock was delivered to his throat.
What a dumbass. Are you stupid???
It wasn’t long after this incident that I phoned a friend and asked her to please pick me up. Mark begged me not to leave but I saw where this night was heading and I really preferred not to be a part of it. And that was the only time Mark and I ever went out.
When I first started college I was set up on a blind date by my aunt. I was visiting her in another province and while there she set me up with her French teacher, Andy. I have to give props….this dude is a great guy – smart, funny, courteous, gentlemanly. But within a half hour of our date beginning he got a case of the toots and continued to toot and make toot jokes. Once again I used this face:
Andy and I are still friends and we have hung out a few times since that date but I made it clear it was strictly platonic. I mean, if the dude is making toot jokes on the first date can you imagine what would happen on the second????
You know…the more that I think of it, the more I sort of don’t miss dating.
For more wonderful stories of my Bad First Date experiences click HERE. (And I apologize for the messiness of the text of that post and for the naughty language. I wrote that long before my blog was public and only made its way to close friends.)
I like to be silly. I do. Life is more fun with a little bit of silliness in it. And humor. And jokes. And swearing. But mainly fun. I am a fun-lovin’ girl and I don’t care who knows it.
Last year my friend Melissa and I went to see my favorite band Blue Rodeo (again! b/c I love them and they’re awesome!). The stadium where they were playing is huge. And since I have the bladder control of a newborn I made sure to pee (twice) before heading to our seats. The closest ladies’ room was a floor below where the merch was being sold and the stairs to the lower floor were very narrow and very steep.
As I was at the top of the stairs about to make my way down to the lower floor, there was an man making his way up the stairs. He was about 3/4 of the way up. Melissa was just off to my right at the top and there was another older man standing not too far to my left.
As I took my first step down the stairs I threw my hands up in the air, flailing them around like a Muppet and ‘screamed’ “aaaaaaaaahhhh” – just to be an ass.
The man on the stairs coming up was totally startled; he grabbed his chest and gasped – and then roared laughing…a full big bellied laugh like Santa. I laughed. Melissa laughed. And the man on the platform to my left was bent over at the waist laughing.
Y’know….I really do like to bring a little humor and fun to each day. I’m so very glad I could enlighten these people with some SandyLand fun.
PS – Go check out Blue Rodeo because they are really cool.
I really should have (wanted to) posted this in October, prior to Halloween to go along with my spooky blogs but I
forgot became extremely busy. So you’re in luck because I’m posting this now.
Years ago when I was shacked up with my ex, we moved my TV into the bedroom and put his TV in the living room because it was bigger and newer. One night, after the TV had been in our home for a while, I woke up to noise. I jumped out of bed and sure enough the TV was blaring out in the living room. I woke up Butthead (yeah, I think that’s what I’ll call him) thinking maybe he had set some timer or something but he had no idea so we turned the TV off and went back to sleep.
A few days later the same thing happened. Middle of the night, Sandy is sound asleep and *BAM* the TV is screeching out in the living room. WTF? Butthead and I tried to figure out if there was some sort of reverse timer on it akin to the “sleep” timer for the TV to turn on but neither of us had ever heard of that before and we couldn’t find anything with the remote or menu. After this had been happening for several months – either with the TV turning on in the middle of the night or me coming home from work to the TV on and loud I just assumed that I was being haunted by the ghosts of TV shows past. And although it freaked the hell out of me, I sort of just got used to it.
But one night while Butthead was away and I was alone and half asleep I heard it happen – I heard the TV start up so I jumped out of bed, ran into the living room and threw on the lights and looked on to a scene similar to this:
Our asshole cat was jumping to the top of the TV and reclining. And unbeknownst to us, there were ADDITIONAL ON/OFF/VOLUME buttons on the top of the TV. We had no idea. There were buttons in the front and we thought that was it. So, our haunting was merely the result of a badass kitty lounging somewhere she did not belong.
It’s funny now. Actually, it was funny then and believe me, I sure did breathe a sigh of relief knowing that I was not being haunted by shows that had been put to rest – or anyone/thing else for that matter.
Please don’t hate on me because I’m posting this early about Christmas. I’m excited, that’s all. I’ve been really into the seasons lately….I was so excited to decorate for Fall this year – and my decorations are gorgeous, if I do say so myself. But now that we’re almost mid-way thru November I am beginning the countdown to Christmas.
This means that I need to really get on my shopping, baking, decorating and movie watching. I’ve already made a list of Christmas movies I want to watch this year – of course there’re the staples I watch every year: One Magic Christmas (my absolute favorite since I was a wee one), Elf (which I sorta watched last week), Fred Claus, Home Alone, A Christmas Story, and Scrooge. I also love The Holiday with Kate Winslet (I think this is the only thing I can stand Jack Black in) and Secret Santa (with Jennie Garth. Which I posted about last year and my wicked-awesome sister-in-law tracked down and gifted me last Christmas – S-I-L I WOVE YOU!).
I’m looking forward to adding new movies to my repertoire this year: I’ve never seen Love Actually but I keep hearing great things about it. Plus, Rick from The Walking Dead is in it and I’ve only ever seen him as a zombie ass-kicker so I’m open to trying new things.
And I’ve also never seen The Polar Express. So it’s on my list….along with some old classics, like Holiday Inn.
This is not my big evening co-ed party. Blair’s a stick-in-the mud and it’s too hard to coordinate days off and sitters and work scheduling so I’ve resorted back to my ladies only afternoon party. I hosted these a few times and we always had so much fun. This year will be a little different as I’m planning on an elegant afternoon with a twist of ugly sweaterdom. I’ll have treats and drinks and prizes and Secret Santa gifts. We’ll enjoy a potluck dinner and holiday movies and gossip and games and fun – complete with a hot chocolate bar.
And mulled cider and wine. And maybe a visit from Santa…who knows? Eeeek. I’m uber excited. Can you tell??
I still have 3 vacation days left prior to Christmas vacation – which I cannot carry over to the new year so I am working on scheduling those off. It’s a little difficult as I have to coincide with my employer’s schedule because I’m The Shit and the only employee and I need to be here when I’m needed. I have one day picked out to go shopping in the City with my fellow asshole, Jaime. I want to take a day off with Blair to do some shopping/cuddling with him and I’d like to have a day to myself to sit around in lounge-wear, wrapped in a multitude of fuzzy blankets (like that’s different than any other day) and watch movies. A lazy day. My last 3 weekends have been booked solid and
my next 3 my next 5 all of my upcoming weekends are booked so finding some me time to get things done around the house or just hanging out is limited. But it will happen.
Unfortunately all I have to post at the moment is Christmas stuff so, yeah, sorry about that. But hey, I’m open to suggestions on great Christmas or holiday movies to watch. 🙂
Remembrance Day (Veterans’ Day in the US) is upon us. Be sure to wear your poppy and show respect to and for those men and women who have done their part to ensure we are able to live the glorious lives we live.
My grandfather is 95 and is the last living member of his regiment. He has tons of medals which he displays proudly and he is happy to haul out his military gear to show anyone who shows interest.
And he should be proud. He served his country. As did my other grandfather and my grandmother. Bless them. November 11th is the day set aside to remember the lives given, the risks taken, the love and loyalty shown. November 11th is the day we honor them and show our respect. We should be honoring and showing our respect and thanks every day! Let’s all start doing this. Now. If you see a soldier be sure to thank him or her. Spring for a coffee, hold the door open, salute. These men and women make choices that I would never be brave enough to make and I am thankful and respectful 365 days of the year.
With a tear in my eye and a full and heavy heart I graciously THANK YOU.
That’s right, folks, it’s that time of year again when our men – young and old alike – decide to grow and groom their lip brow in support of Men’s Health. Movember is widely (and wildly) recognized to bring awareness (mostly) to prostate and testicular cancer. So, be supportive of the men in your life and let them proudly display those God-awful mustaches…because December is not that far away.
And ladies, get out there and sport the mustache in your fashionable way:
Happy Movember y’all. You’re welcome.