We began that day to talk on a consistent basis. Like, every day. At first it was idle chit chat; small talk. The two of us just trying to figure the other out without really getting into too much detail. But within the first week of our initial friendship, Jordan started showing up at places he knew I’d be. Places I’d talked about in random conversations but that I never would have expected him to appear at. Places that I’d mentioned in conversations with others while in earshot of him. Places that were completely out of his way. But he made the trips to see me. He’d pop in here and there to just say hello, have a quick conversation, and then be on his merry way.
From that day on, Jordan was on my mind all the time, and he was in my head. He was all I could think about. It was sickening, really. It’s as if I ached for him – to be around him, and it was like getting punched in the heart when I wasn’t. Those moments I couldn’t see him or speak to him were killing me. My anxiety levels shot through the roof and felt sick at the thought of seeing him AND at the thought of not seeing him. But he was there…everywhere I looked, I saw Jordan.
…to be continued.
I was literally mesmerized by him. By everything about him; his energy, his positivity, his kindness, not to mention his good looks. What’s really funny is that he is not what I would have normally considered “my type”. But there was something about my Jordan that I just couldn’t shake and the attraction was stronger than any other I had known.
When those two days finally passed and I was about to be near him again, I could barely contain my excitement. It was complete insanity to be this excited over someone I didn’t really know. But as soon as I saw him, I understood it once again.
We saw each other and it was like the world around us was set on fire. We were in a very crowded room among a frenzy of people and I had to leave. I hate crowds (and sometimes people) and it was all too much – Jordan or not, I had to escape. So, I went out into the hallway where the crowd was lessened and the noise was minimized. And as I waited for my friends and for the event to start, the door opened and out came Jordan. His beautiful bright smile was directed at me and while he busied himself, he stood next to me and engaged me in conversation. It was everything a young (or old) girl could have asked for.
After the event, I was once again trapped in that small room with him again. And like the two days prior, once the crowd thinned out, it was just a small group of the same people left. And here we were – Jordan and me (and it seemed, no one else) chatting away as if we’d known our entire lives that this moment was meant to be.
…to be continued.
Remember “My So-Called Life”? That ridiculously real show from the 90’s that launched the careers of Claire Danes and Jared Leto? Remember how Claire’s Angela pined for Jared’s Jordan? (“Don’t you just love how he leans?”)
Jordan Catalano was the epitome of teenage boy crushes. Because he embodied everything we had imagined, our entire lives, our soulmate to be. Jordan was imperfectly perfect.
I’m sure we have all experienced a love like that of Jordan Catalano.
The one guy who you see for just a split moment in time and you simply….fall.
You can’t sleep without dreaming of him, you can’t eat, you see him in everything you do; his name is written on every page or sign. You simply can’t function because your “Jordan” is everywhere.
I remember the first time I saw my Jordan. I noticed him from across a very large and crowded room. I recognized his name, but had never actually met him. I will admit, although he was not what I expected, he caught my eye.
The next time I saw him, several weeks later, my eyes lingered on him for a long while. An amidst a sordid incident with others, I felt an unrelenting need to protect him. That same day, I found myself in his presence, hearing him speak and being in close proximity to him. And I can say this with complete honesty, I have never wanted to physically put my hands on another person so badly in my entire life. Standing just a few feet away from him, all I wanted to do was reach out and touch him; to graze even just his stomach. I had never been this physically drawn to someone before. And maybe never since.
Less than a week later, I was sharing space with him again. We spoke briefly before an event and it was as if the world stopped around us for those few moments. Mini fireworks seemed to go off in the background while we chatted. For the next hour, we watched each other from across a room. Eyes meeting eyes. And then once again, we were next to each other in a small room, amidst a small crowd, and once our eyes met, they never left each other.
From that moment, I could not stop thinking of him. He was on my mind constantly. The mere thought of him made me dizzy and I often had a hard time catching my breath. And each and every time we spoke by phone or email or in person, my heart rate would jump and the butterflies in my stomach would swirl around in a frenzy. When I had plans to see him again just two days later, I couldn’t shake the feelings of excitement, nervousness, and anxiety. Here was this boy that I barely knew, and I was headed to see him. My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, and my breathing labored…or at least it felt that way. I felt like I was on a roller-coaster that would never end. I spent those two days thinking of him…of nothing but him. I was like a kid at Christmas waiting for Santa.
….To Be Continued.