Chasing Jordan Catalano – Chronicles (Part 1)
Remember “My So-Called Life”? That ridiculously real show from the 90’s that launched the careers of Claire Danes and Jared Leto? Remember how Claire’s Angela pined for Jared’s Jordan? (“Don’t you just love how he leans?”)
Jordan Catalano was the epitome of teenage boy crushes. Because he embodied everything we had imagined, our entire lives, our soulmate to be. Jordan was imperfectly perfect.
I’m sure we have all experienced a love like that of Jordan Catalano.
The one guy who you see for just a split moment in time and you simply….fall.
You can’t sleep without dreaming of him, you can’t eat, you see him in everything you do; his name is written on every page or sign. You simply can’t function because your “Jordan” is everywhere.
I remember the first time I saw my Jordan. I noticed him from across a very large and crowded room. I recognized his name, but had never actually met him. I will admit, although he was not what I expected, he caught my eye.
The next time I saw him, several weeks later, my eyes lingered on him for a long while. An amidst a sordid incident with others, I felt an unrelenting need to protect him. That same day, I found myself in his presence, hearing him speak and being in close proximity to him. And I can say this with complete honesty, I have never wanted to physically put my hands on another person so badly in my entire life. Standing just a few feet away from him, all I wanted to do was reach out and touch him; to graze even just his stomach. I had never been this physically drawn to someone before. And maybe never since.
Less than a week later, I was sharing space with him again. We spoke briefly before an event and it was as if the world stopped around us for those few moments. Mini fireworks seemed to go off in the background while we chatted. For the next hour, we watched each other from across a room. Eyes meeting eyes. And then once again, we were next to each other in a small room, amidst a small crowd, and once our eyes met, they never left each other.
From that moment, I could not stop thinking of him. He was on my mind constantly. The mere thought of him made me dizzy and I often had a hard time catching my breath. And each and every time we spoke by phone or email or in person, my heart rate would jump and the butterflies in my stomach would swirl around in a frenzy. When I had plans to see him again just two days later, I couldn’t shake the feelings of excitement, nervousness, and anxiety. Here was this boy that I barely knew, and I was headed to see him. My palms were sweaty, my heart was racing, and my breathing labored…or at least it felt that way. I felt like I was on a roller-coaster that would never end. I spent those two days thinking of him…of nothing but him. I was like a kid at Christmas waiting for Santa.
….To Be Continued.