As you may know, I lost my beloved Winston in mid-October and I continue to mourn him. I miss him beyond expectation and I still, at the very least, get a lump in my throat when I talk to him. More often than not, however, there are tears.
The other night I went out for Merry Christmas festivities with some girlfriends and had a little gift exchange. One gift bag had a big bottle of wine and a gorgeous pair of earrings. And a box. The box was light as air and when I opened it, it was full of tissue paper. When I put my hand in and felt the roundness of a ball, I knew exactly what it was. I said “Is this going to make me cry??”
Of course it made me cry. How amazingly thoughtful.
Late that night when I finally got home, I put the ornament on my tree. I made a special place for
it him – right in front where he belongs. Not much later I was on my couch watching an old SNL Christmas special, I heard a rustling under my tree – in and about the Christmas presents. I’m sure it was a bag of gifts shifting, but in my heart, I’m going to hang on to the belief that Winston is with me. In my heart and in spirit.
When my grandmother died of cancer, she had tons of quilting and sewing material leftover. My mom took it upon herself to use the remaining materials and make Christmas decorations for her siblings and the grandchildren. They mean the world to me, not only because they were my grandmother’s materials, but also because my mom made them out of love (and loss). And I display them with love every year.
Tell me a story about your favorite ornament and the sentiment (if any) behind it.
~Peace (on Earth)
Last night it snowed. And it snowed a lot. At least it snowed at Honey Boo Boo’s. It came down fast and heavy and covered the ground and the trees with a fierceness and a beauty that only December can bring.
And now it’s Sunday evening and it is raining – heavy and wet and mixed with ice. Rain that is coming down so fast and heavy with its own fierceness, I can hear it beating off the window. Weather that seemingly only Nova Scotia can bring.
And I’m pissed! I was all set to go to a community Christmas Tree lightening tonight with my BFF and her little one. My first tree lighting/community anything in a very long time. In fact, I was more than set. I was there. I parked just on the outskirts of town, all bundled up, and I walked to the centre where the “show” was supposed to happen. It had just started a bit of freezing rain when I left and I had my umbrella in hand, but I didn’t expect the down pour that’s happening outside right now. Let’s just say it’s a good thing I brought it.
Once Spanky and her mini-me and family arrived, we were told that the tree lighting happened a half hour before. Uh, what? It was supposed to happen at 6pm! But those mofos lit that damn tree up at 5:30. Grrr.
So, since it was raining, there was no point in standing around in the cold and damp, we said our goodbyes and I declined a drive back out of town to my car. I wanted the walk, regardless of the weather. And since I missed a tree lighting, I decides to take a picture of the decorated lawn trees I passed on my way in and out of town.
Ah well…It was a short 40 minute adventure that I rather enjoyed.
Rainbow Johnson’s Rainbow Sweater
Do you watch Blackish? If not, you should. It’s a good show. It’s smart and funny and sometimes it showcases the best clothes (and sometimes the clothes are out there!).
Last year, Rainbow Johnson (Tracee Ellis Ross) wore the most gorgeous sweater. I felllll in love with it. I searched immediately online for it. It turns out, it’s a Marc Jacobs.
It is sold out at most stores but it is still available on therealreal.com for only $225!
But look how adorable it is.
And, while doing some Google research for this post, I found out that Taylor Swift wore the same sweater (while riding a cat unicorn, nonetheless) during a TV commercial. Apparently, my sweater is super popular.
But, since I don’t have Taylor Swift’s budget OR Tracee Ellis Ross’ budget, I have done some checking on Amazon and found some close calls.
Here’s the white one:
Which one do you like?
(Seriously, I love them both!)
It’s been a long day. It’s rainy and nippy and kind of depressing for a Saturday. Right now, it’s late in the afternoon; whatever sun may have been hiding the clouds has now set and the sky is a haunting shade of pinky gold and green. A color hard to explain. But suited for this day.
I know it is soon and tomorrow is Remembrance (or Veterans) Day, but I’m already in the mood for Christmas. I usually get excited for Christmas once Halloween has ended. This year I feel like I might need to occupy myself with Christmas even more now that I’ve lost Winston. If I busy myself with happiness, it will hopefully take away the ache from missing my boy. Aside from that, I feel like getting in the spirit of Christmas a little early will also minimize the amount of times I’m spooked at night (since seeing the new Halloween movie last week AND from reading all these Ruth Ware books, I have been sleeping with the light on…).
So here we are on a dreary Saturday in early November and although I’m getting ready for a party, I’m currently on my couch writing this as I watch a Christmas movie. Damn you Hallmark for your Countdown to Christmas and back-to-back Christmas movies starting on November 1st.
I started out very early this morning having peppermint mochas with a girlfriend. Peppermint Mochas. Is there anything that says getting ready for Christmas more than Peppermint Mochas?
I am eager for the hustle and bustle of the holidays. It excites me. It gives me a jolt of giggles and nostalgia and I look forward to it every year. I’m certainly not rushing the season. And I am completely respectful of tomorrow and our veterans and will partake in Remembrance Day. I still have my fall decorations up and will keep them displayed for a while before taking them down to replace them with mistletoe and Christmas trees.
But, I won’t lie either. In the meantime, I will be spending a little bit of quality time with Candace Cameron and the other Hallmark regulars when I can.
These shoes right here!!
Several years ago I posted about some very gorgeous Party Shoes that had caught my eye. And well, these red shoes have definitely caught my eye.
They showed up in my inbox via the H&M holiday email. They are so gorgeous and I have been searching for them ever since.
But they’re not on H&M’s website (that I can find) or in any of their Instagram photos. So I have no idea if they’re even H&M brand. But they are sooooo pretty. Don’t they just make you want to cry?
I’ve been having a really rough few months. My cat got sick in late July and stopped eating altogether at the start of August. I spent a lot of time and money at the vet trying to find out what was wrong with him but to no avail. (At least not with that vet clinic!) I spent the rest of the summer whipping him up tuna smoothies and feeding him via syringe. It was comparable to having a newborn….I was up all hours of the night. If he wanted to eat at 3am, I was up feeding him, any time he got up or stirred, I was awake too, checking on him. Waiting while he used his litter box, bringing him back to bed so he was close by, petting him, and listening to him purr.
Even though he had three different veterinarians check him (and a dozen visits), I finally had enough and took him to a new clinic and vet. Turns out, my poor boy had a cancerous mass on his kidney and my time left with him was limited.
I can’t get too much further into it because I am still grieving – heavily. But, Winston moved on to Kitty Heaven almost two weeks ago. My heart has been broken. My sweet boy had been by my side for 12 and a half years and I am still getting used to him not being here. I would give anything to be able to pick him up and cuddle him and listen to him purr like a little motor. I’d go another summer of sleepless nights to have him flip his water dish over or claw me in the middle of the night or scamper underneath my feet, making me fall.
But he’s not here. And I haven’t cried yet today but I can feel the lump forming in my throat and the tears are glossing over in my eyes, so I have to stop talking/writing/thinking about him for a little bit and gather my emotions.
And yes. I’m grieving for my cat. He was more than a cat. He was a companion and a friend and a guardian. He was my boy. I will be grieving for him for a long time.
So there it is. That’s how my life has been going the last three and a half months. Worry and fear and stress and sadness and anxiety. And sleepless nights. But I would do it all again for him. For just a few moments more with him.
Now here I am. At a loss for inspiration and with this dull, constant ache inside me. Thankful for the distractions of work and friends and whatever else happens to pop into my life these days. Last week is was Halloween. And now we’re moving onto Christmas. And here I am on a Monday evening in early November writing an ode or memoir to my Winston with a Hallmark Christmas movie and Candace Cameron Bure as background noise while I type and search for inspiration for upcoming posts.
If you have any suggestions, I am open to them. At least for a bit. I need the distractions because when I am alone with my thoughts I am bombarded with sadness and then I just can’t delay the tears. And once that flood gate is open…oh my. It just won’t stop.
So please, if you have any ideas for me – so I can have something to write about and not dwell on the death and now the absence of my longtime companion, please let me a note below.
In the meantime, I’m doing my best. I’m hanging in there. I haven’t been able to bring myself to put anything on his corner of the bed, but one day that day might come. In the meantime, I’ll be here.
Um, these gorgeous bright yellow loafers that I spotted on Boot Rescue on Instagram.
Oh my! First of all, yellow is my favorite color. And who doesn’t like a good loafer? And then put them together with those adorable jeans…I swooned! I’m still swooning. In fact, I swoon every time I see them. I need these in my life.
I love that the heel isn’t super high too. My ankles are getting worse in my old age. :p
I have no idea what brand they are, but I’ve found similar cuties online. I’ll keep searching for these babes.
I was sick a lot when I was little. I was in and out of the hospital – usually with pneumonia – and I missed out on a lot of things.
I remember one year I was supposed to go outdoors ice skating with my Brownies group. But I was sick again and not able to go.
I am pretty sure I whined about that excursion quite a bit because one weekend, right around Christmas, my dad packed me up and took me to a pond (just off the highway connector) so that I could skate. It wasn’t as much fun as being with a bunch of my Brownie friends, and we weren’t out for long, but I remember it well. I slid and slided and skated over that ice like I was a ballerina – even in my snowsuit (Nova Scotia winters are cold y’all) – the shine from the sun my spotlight. And then it was time to go.
And every time I pass that pond, usually with ducks sitting in it or cows grazing around it, I think of my skating excursion.