19 years ago today I was awoken in the earliest hours of the morning. My grandmother had died. She didn’t pass away. She didn’t move on. She died. Cancer took her from us. And in those moments, my family was broken. And we have never fully recovered.
We knew it was coming. But we were praying for a miracle. And maybe we got a miracle in some other way. But our miracle for her to be healed, although answered once before, was left undone this time.
My mom had stayed at the hospital that night and I remember the phone ringing and then my dad coming to wake me. We were going to say our final goodbyes before she was taken away.
That was the first time I’d ever seen my dad cry. My grandmother, my mom’s mom, my nanny, was our family matriarch. She was loved by everyone. She kept us all close and together. She had more spunk than you can ever imagine. She was our big solid rock in the center of our earth.
And then she was gone.
She had a smile that would light up a room. She was mischievous and funny and she loved jokes. She was the best hugger. She could kiss
away any boo boo. She liked Clint Eastwood and Billy Ray Cyrus. (Who else’s nanny rode a moped??) I have told you before about Hitting the Family Jackpot
Hitting the Family Jackpot and she was our number one prize.
And then she was gone.
Life has never been the same without her.
We were broken that day. Shattered in our hearts and in a way that we have not fully learned how to repair. But we have pulled together and are doing our best to get through until we meet her again.
RIP BLR ❤ Forever in our hearts.
Um, these gorgeous bright yellow loafers that I spotted on Boot Rescue on Instagram.
Oh my! First of all, yellow is my favorite color. And who doesn’t like a good loafer? And then put them together with those adorable jeans…I swooned! I’m still swooning. In fact, I swoon every time I see them. I need these in my life.
I love that the heel isn’t super high too. My ankles are getting worse in my old age. :p
I have no idea what brand they are, but I’ve found similar cuties online. I’ll keep searching for these babes.
When I was in high school I started working at a Tim Horton’s coffee shop. I worked there for 6 years. And I never drank coffee. Ever.
I couldn’t stand the stuff. My dad is a coffee drinker – although I think he preferred instant back then, and my mom is a life-long tea drinker. But neither were for me. In fact, the smell of the coffee at Tim’s gave me terrible heartburn. I didn’t even know that was possible but it happened. Often.
In school, kids would stroll into class with their morning brew in their refill mugs and I would think “WTF? Why are they drinking that ghastly stuff?” Especially because, y’know, we were kids. So, I went through all these years of my life not drinking coffee.
Then one year, in my very early twenties, I went to Montreal with a few friends for my birthday weekend. Two of them had a sporting event, which I watched the first day and was so exhaustingly bored that I wanted to punch myself in the face just to stay awake, that I decided on day two to stay behind in the hotel and hang out by myself for the day. I had some adventures on my own, which, back then was totally unlike me. I hated doing things alone. I needed someone with me at.all.times. (Thankfully I have grown out of that and love having my independent adventures. I wish I could go back to that hotel in Montreal and LIVE IT UP!)
On a stroll around the hotel on my own I came across one of the cleaning ladies’carts. It had an InStyle magazine on it, which, undoubtedly was left behind by one of the other guests after checkout. So, being the badass that I was I snatched the magazine off the cart and kept on my merry way.
Back in my hotel room I devoured the entire magazine, reading each and every article. Actress Minnie Driver was the cover girl and there was a huge fashion spread with Minnie as the model, accompanied by a big article on her. At one part in the interview she talked about getting up in the morning and sitting on her porch in her robe, reading the paper, taking in the scenery, while having her morning coffee.
This is the magazine I ripped off from a cleaning cart.
What? Is this what adults do? Is that what I’m supposed to do? Be a grown up and read the paper* and drink coffee and wear a robe?? (*In my defense, I totally read the newspapers when I worked at Tim’s. They were free reads while on our breaks in our tiny little break room. And it was race to do the Lexicon first on Saturday!)
For some reason, that little article on Minnie has stuck with me all of these years since (and more than likely I probably still have the magazine in a box of other magazines or a desk drawer somewhere around my house). And so, as the years have passed I have made my attempts to become a grown up and drink coffee in the mornings. For a very long time I failed miserably.
And then one day it happened. I had a cup of coffee. Like a real grown up. Maybe it’s because my taste buds have changed since I’ve gotten older – or since I started drinking wine), but I no longer cringed at the smell or the taste of a good brew. I actually look forward to a small mug of joe in the mornings. And, although I could never drink it black, I can enjoy a cup with just a little unsweetened almond milk or blended with a spoonful of coconut oil when I’m doing a Whole 30 program (aka eliminating sugar and all processed foods in all forms, etc.).
Summer is my favorite time – when I can sit outside in the sunshine while reading a book and taking in the scenery. And I love weekend mornings when I can get up and put on a small pot and relax on the couch before getting my day started. Drinking a little coffee in the morning makes me feel like I’m finally adulting. (And thank goodness for Starbucks and whip for when I want to be a kid pretending to adult.)
I’m still working on the robe, though. I have a few but I like my PJ pants and fleece socks and Banana Republic dresses to sleep in and lounge around the house in. I’m not Mrs. Roper!
Isn’t it funny how one little thing can change your perspective? Something as small as a cup of friggin’ coffee in the mornings.