…Taking pictures of your dinner. Unless you have a waiter setting your cheese on fire or there is a 7-tiered waffle cake going on, I don’t need your photos of Mac and Cheese and mashed potatoes spamming up my feed!
…Reading your phone while walking! Seriously. You’re going to get hurt. Especially if I run your ass over. PUT THE PHONE DOWN and get out of the middle of the street.
…Using “I” and “me” in the wrong context. You sound stupid. This isn’t rocket science.
…Tagging me in rando crap on Facebook with another 47 people. Really…this is basically chain mail, isn’t it? Stop it.
…Posting pictures or videos of abused animals. I don’t want to see it. I just lost my cat. I DO NOT want to see photos of animals being tortured or neglected. JUST STOP. You’re not making a difference. We know it’s happening. I don’t want it creeping into my nightmares. THERE ARE WAYS TO HELP. Facebook is not necessarily the way.
…Wearing shoes you can’t walk in. I’m talking to you girl with the 3 inch stilettos hobbling along, bent over at the waist, trying to stay upright. If you can’t walk in them, don’t wear them. You shouldn’t look like a newborn deer or Mr. Magoo.
…Saying you’re not eating carbs. Especially when you don’t know what a carb is. Your body needs carbs. Carrots are carbs. Apples are carbs. (And don’t even get me started on Keto!!)
End of rant. For now.
I’ve been having a really rough few months. My cat got sick in late July and stopped eating altogether at the start of August. I spent a lot of time and money at the vet trying to find out what was wrong with him but to no avail. (At least not with that vet clinic!) I spent the rest of the summer whipping him up tuna smoothies and feeding him via syringe. It was comparable to having a newborn….I was up all hours of the night. If he wanted to eat at 3am, I was up feeding him, any time he got up or stirred, I was awake too, checking on him. Waiting while he used his litter box, bringing him back to bed so he was close by, petting him, and listening to him purr.
Even though he had three different veterinarians check him (and a dozen visits), I finally had enough and took him to a new clinic and vet. Turns out, my poor boy had a cancerous mass on his kidney and my time left with him was limited.
I can’t get too much further into it because I am still grieving – heavily. But, Winston moved on to Kitty Heaven almost two weeks ago. My heart has been broken. My sweet boy had been by my side for 12 and a half years and I am still getting used to him not being here. I would give anything to be able to pick him up and cuddle him and listen to him purr like a little motor. I’d go another summer of sleepless nights to have him flip his water dish over or claw me in the middle of the night or scamper underneath my feet, making me fall.
But he’s not here. And I haven’t cried yet today but I can feel the lump forming in my throat and the tears are glossing over in my eyes, so I have to stop talking/writing/thinking about him for a little bit and gather my emotions.
And yes. I’m grieving for my cat. He was more than a cat. He was a companion and a friend and a guardian. He was my boy. I will be grieving for him for a long time.
So there it is. That’s how my life has been going the last three and a half months. Worry and fear and stress and sadness and anxiety. And sleepless nights. But I would do it all again for him. For just a few moments more with him.
Now here I am. At a loss for inspiration and with this dull, constant ache inside me. Thankful for the distractions of work and friends and whatever else happens to pop into my life these days. Last week is was Halloween. And now we’re moving onto Christmas. And here I am on a Monday evening in early November writing an ode or memoir to my Winston with a Hallmark Christmas movie and Candace Cameron Bure as background noise while I type and search for inspiration for upcoming posts.
If you have any suggestions, I am open to them. At least for a bit. I need the distractions because when I am alone with my thoughts I am bombarded with sadness and then I just can’t delay the tears. And once that flood gate is open…oh my. It just won’t stop.
So please, if you have any ideas for me – so I can have something to write about and not dwell on the death and now the absence of my longtime companion, please let me a note below.
In the meantime, I’m doing my best. I’m hanging in there. I haven’t been able to bring myself to put anything on his corner of the bed, but one day that day might come. In the meantime, I’ll be here.
We began that day to talk on a consistent basis. Like, every day. At first it was idle chit chat; small talk. The two of us just trying to figure the other out without really getting into too much detail. But within the first week of our initial friendship, Jordan started showing up at places he knew I’d be. Places I’d talked about in random conversations but that I never would have expected him to appear at. Places that I’d mentioned in conversations with others while in earshot of him. Places that were completely out of his way. But he made the trips to see me. He’d pop in here and there to just say hello, have a quick conversation, and then be on his merry way.
From that day on, Jordan was on my mind all the time, and he was in my head. He was all I could think about. It was sickening, really. It’s as if I ached for him – to be around him, and it was like getting punched in the heart when I wasn’t. Those moments I couldn’t see him or speak to him were killing me. My anxiety levels shot through the roof and felt sick at the thought of seeing him AND at the thought of not seeing him. But he was there…everywhere I looked, I saw Jordan.
…to be continued.
This afternoon I walked into a conversation between two of my co-workers. What I caught was the end of the conversation and co-worker Betty saying “Tonya Harding“.
Co-worker Veronica said “Oh, did you go to school with her?”
Betty and I nearly died laughing.
I’m getting ready to go on vacation next week and will be travelling for a good duration of the time. And so, I’m going well-prepared with a good book or two.
As you may already know, I am an avid reader and usually become so captivated in my reads that I often find that it is all I want to do.
This summer I went thru a slew of books and finished my last John Grisham legal thriller. I picked up two other non-legals of his, and tried really hard to get into one but just epicly failed (I’ll save it for another time). So, on a recent shopping trip I was delighted to pick up a few new reads, including the third in the “The Witch of….” series by Suzanne Palmieri. Last summer I read “The Witch of Belladonna Bay” and followed it with “The Witch of Little Italy” (although, if you’re reading them, reverse the order), and I’ve been on the hunt for the third book “The Witch of Bourbon Street“. Eureka! As soon as I started reading it I fell in love with it. I’m still only a tiny ways into it because I’ve been supremely busy and haven’t had much time to indulge myself, but I am looking forward to zipping thru this third book in the series.
I’m heading out on another trip later in the month and I CANNOT WAIT to tell you all about it. This trip is going to be amazeballs and I am over the moon that I have the opportunity to do it! But, it’s a surprise so you’ll have to wait to hear about it.
For that trip, I will likely indulge in the other books during my flight. Eep! Can’t wait for this one!
I’ve been told lately that my blog is missed.
Between working, teaching, studying, courses, training, living, vacationing, and dealing with the crazies, I haven’t really had much time or desire to post.
But since it’s Halloween week I figured it’s a good time to try and get back into things. And, since my first Halloween post a few years ago (read it HERE) I’ve kind of continued an annual Halloweeny theme.
A few nights ago I had a course in the City and afterwards we decided to hit up a movie. All I can say is thank goodness it wasn’t Paranormal Activity! There’s no effing way I’d be seeing that bullshit (last year I got tricked into seeing one of those Insidious movies and nearly had a meltdown).
We watched The Last Witch Hunter with Vin Diesel.
Let me just add that it didn’t completely suck. I mean, Vin Diesel is not the best actor in the world – it’s almost hard to watch him sometimes because he’s got no depth and is so over-the-top monotone, but for what it was the movie was okay. And it was left wide open for a sequel.
And Michael Caine was in it too, and he’s spunky.
The movie wasn’t really scary but it had some “scary” moments in it.
The Witch Queen was definitely a sight and if you make direct eye contact with her you might not sleep well at night.
What I didn’t like about this movie – aside from Vin Diesel’s bad acting – is that there wasn’t enough witches. I mean, it’s called the Last Witch Hunter, so you’d think there’d be a little more Witch Hunting in it (Y’all have seen Buffy the Vampire Slayer, right? Lots of vamps in that!). So, Mr. Diesel, my suggestion, if you decide to jump on the sequel bandwagon, is to add more witches to your story. I need some visuals here, please.
I have a small list of scary movies I’d like to watch this Halloween week but some of them are over the top for me to watch because I’m a big baby and get scared easily. (Hey, fellow asshole, Jaime, you wanna watch some scary movies with me????) Stay tuned to see what happens.