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Posts tagged “humor

Ugh….Halloween

Scary
I have been trying desperately to get into the Halloween movie-watching mood.  But this year I am failing.  I, as always, have a list of scary or creepy movies I want to watch before October 31, but I just haven’t been in the mood.  I haven’t even watched Hocus Pocus yet.  *gasp*  I KNOW!
I have attempted several movies – but, as noted above, have failed.
KITTIES
I have tried to watch the following movies the past week or so:

1.Ghoulies.  Nope.  Couldn’t do it.  After 15 or 20 minutes, I had to turn that shit off.  So bad!!

2.The Haunting (1963).  I have seen this movie before, years ago.  But this time (and maybe then too), I found it very boring.  And annoying.  I thought Lily Taylor was annoying in the remake, but Julie Harris needs a little throat punching too.

3. White Zombie (1932).  This had promise.  It still might.  But I was so bored after a good half hour that I couldn’t deal with it anymore.  Spoiler alert…the zombies are just people.  There’s no blood, no zombie make-up or ghoulishness tho.  Just people.  And in black and white (1932), it’s hard to distinguish from the living and the dead.

4. Night of the Living Dead (1968).  I saw this movie a long, LONG time ago too. And it’s not too bad.  The lead female, Barbra, needs some throat punching.  I fell asleep watching it, so I will have to finish.  Again, the zombies could use a little more distinguishing characteristics…blood, more goth looking faces, something.

I will have to try harder…because, Halloween is in a week and I’m not quite there yet.

 

Cheers.

 

 

 


Don’t Sacrifice Humor

In keeping with the October/Halloween theme….here’s a little anecdote for the day.

I can be a bit of an ass.  At work, I have had an ongoing ass-feud (that sounds weird) with one of my coworkers.  There are many stories I can tell, but I’ll save those for another day.  Yesterday, however, this co-worker (let’s call him Bob) used our firm calendar to plug in his appointment for blood donation.  He scheduled it so it says “Bob blood”.  Since it is the firm calendar, it is public to everyone in the office to see, amend, delete, etc.

So, I thought it needed a little spiffing up.  I changed his appointment to say “Bob blood for sacrificial ritual”.

Sacrifice

We have all had a good chuckle.  Including Bob.  But he said it’s not the worst thing…that another coworker would steal his paper calendar and write in things like “bikini wax”.  😀

~Cheers

 

 


A Not-So-Christmas Story

christmas-ivy-clipart-1

Not so many years ago, while at a staff Christmas party, my co-worker and I were mingling and chatting.  I had a cute new dress…specifically picked out for the season.  My co-worker was just about 8 months pregnant at the time (hello DD!).
While we were chatting with other colleagues and talking about friend’s pregnancy, one of them, a man in his 50’s who is completely socially awkward and tactless, looked at me and said “are you pregnant too, Sandy?”  As he was getting elbowed and told to “stop talking” by another colleague, I said “Why?  Do I look pregnant, Bob*?
Elbow.gif
His reply, as he is still being elbowed and ushered to shut up, “No, but your boobs look bigger!”
RAINE

The “I will CUT you” look I gave  “Bob”

Seth.gif

My colleague when she realized the possibility of a sexual harassment suit.

*Not his real name…his identity has been protected…..for his own sake.
~Cheerio

Please Stop…..

A rant.

Stop

Please stop…

…Taking pictures of your dinner.  Unless you have a waiter setting your cheese on fire or there is a 7-tiered waffle cake going on, I don’t need your photos of Mac and Cheese and mashed potatoes spamming up my feed!

…Reading your phone while walking!  Seriously.  You’re going to get hurt.  Especially if I run your ass over.  PUT THE PHONE DOWN and get out of the middle of the street.

walkingLondonReu

Sheep.  Baa Baa

…Using “I” and “me” in the wrong context.  You sound stupid.  This isn’t rocket science.

…Tagging me in rando crap on Facebook with another 47 people.  Really…this is basically chain mail, isn’t it?  Stop it.

…Posting pictures or videos of abused animals.  I don’t want to see it.  I just lost my cat.  I DO NOT want to see photos of animals being tortured or neglected.  JUST STOP.  You’re not making a difference.  We know it’s happening.  I don’t want it creeping into my nightmares.  THERE ARE WAYS TO HELP.  Facebook is not necessarily the way.

…Wearing shoes you can’t walk in.  I’m talking to you girl with the 3 inch stilettos hobbling along, bent over at the waist, trying to stay upright.  If you can’t walk in them, don’t wear them.  You shouldn’t look like a newborn deer or Mr. Magoo.

deer

…Saying you’re not eating carbs.  Especially when you don’t know what a carb is.  Your body needs carbs.  Carrots are carbs.  Apples are carbs.  (And don’t even get me started on Keto!!)

good-carbs-vs-bad-carbs

End of rant.  For now.

~Sandy


You Wanna Buy A Gate?

There’s a scene in the movie Almost Famous where the Stillwater tour bus, after one of the band members is electrocuted on-stage, mows down the locked auditorium gate.

- You want to buy a gate? - Yeah!

There’s also a story in Drew Barrymore’s book Wild Flower where she tells of being young in NYC and returning to her Bronco after a concert in parking complex, only to find that the complex had been locked up….by a 20 foot gate.  Which she proceeded to ram over and over and over and …. well, I won’t finish her story.  But I’ll tell you mine.

My story that is coincidentally very similar.

When I was somewhere around 20 or 21, I went to the see the Tragically Hip in concert in the City with some friends.  My friend David drove and we met up with my best friend and her boyfriend for the concert.  When it was over, we decided to grab food and hang out for a bit.  Dave and I both had to be at work bright and early the next morning (me at 5:30 and him at 6) and it was already very late/really early into the wee hours of the morning.

We had parked at a very popular parking complex and when we finally dragged our butts back to his his, it was basically the only one left in the parkade.  We drove to the gate (not 20 feet high) and plugged in our ticket and nothing happened.  The parkade was now closed and we were trapped.

If you don’t know me, I have very little patience for things like this.  I liked to be punctual and prompt and I don’t like it when unruliness gets thrown into the mix.  After what seemed like a very long wait and trying to figure out what to do in this scenario (which, by the way, in hind sight, likely wasn’t that long of a wait after all), I told Dave, just go through it!  To my surprise – because, although it’s something I totally would have done, it is not at all something Dave would have done on his own and without my prompt), Dave gunned the gas and drove into the gate.  Holy shit!

Doris

The gate budged but it didn’t allow us enough room to pass, so David reversed his little car, then put it back into drive and gunned ‘er again.  RAM!

He did this several times.  Once eventually breaking the arm of the gate and then finally, the rest of the thing pretty much just fell to the ground and we had enough room to pass and leave the parking lot.

I’m sure we laughed at those moments a lot.  And I know we made it to work on time a few hours later.  And I’m sure the first person onsite at the parkade the next morning scratched his head and said “WTF???”  But for us, in the heat of the moment, it was the only way out.  (Sorry Mom.)

 

 


Must-Haves Part 1

Many years ago I made a post about this gorgeous skirt that I had become obsessed with and was determined to find.  It took me a very long time to track down the skirt…which included several trips to H&M (an hour-plus drive away), several phone calls, including calls to stores in other provinces.  It was indeed a quest.  But I got my hands on that skirt and could not have been happier.

And now, I am on quests again for several items.  And so, this post, is likely the first of many.

Where it’s starting is with this gorgeous skirt I came across on the Suzy Shier website.  I had been searching the site and this skirt jumped out at me.  I looked at every single item on Suzy’s website – several times – and was never able to find the skirt as a purchase item.  It is shown (as below) as a model in the Jackets and Blazers section.

Suzy Skirt.jpg

Via Suzy Shier

So, being the sleuth that I am (and after having checked the website several times), I eventually contacted Suzy Shier by email, attaching a photo of the skirt, and asking if it was still available.

Of course Suzy Shier replied right away.  But alas, with the bad news that, of course, it is old stock and no longer available (unless I can find it in the sale/clearance section of one of their stores).  The reply was kind enough to offer a similar skirt, but it is not the skirt. And so, my quest must continue.

~Sandy


Intimate Conversations

This afternoon I walked into a conversation between two of my co-workers.  What I caught was the end of the conversation and co-worker Betty saying “Tonya Harding“.

Co-worker Veronica said “Oh, did you go to school with her?”

Betty and I nearly died laughing.

Tonya Harding~Sandy


Christmas Wish List – Part 4

Copper Roasting Pan

When I was shopping in the US last month, I spotted a gorgeous copper roasting pan (do I sound like Rachel talking about that gravy boat??).  It caught my eye as I was exiting the store and I haven’t stopping thinking about it.  I don’t have a clue why, but I really want that roasting pan.  And, of course, I can’t find it.

There are tons of copper cookware out there – Copper Chef, Copper Cookware, Gotham Steel – but I haven’t found the roasting pan anywhere.  I haven’t even come close.

williams-sonoma-professional-copper-roaster-with-rack-o

This one is Williams Sonoma and is about $543.  Still not the one I want, tho.

 

Paderno

This one is closer to the one I want…it’s Paderno and ranges in price anywhere from $780 to $2,000.  I think it’s lined with cocaine.

Whyyyyy can’t I find the one I saw?  The one I want?  Grrr!

At this point, I think I’d be happy with whatever shape.  I mean, I already have a roaster, but the copper one has been calling my name.

Cheers.


Travel Reads

I’m getting ready to go on vacation next week and will be travelling for a good duration of the time.  And so, I’m going well-prepared with a good book or two.

Book worm

As you may already know, I am an avid reader and usually become so captivated in my reads that I often find that it is all I want to do.

This summer I went thru a slew of books and finished my last John Grisham legal thriller.  I picked up two other non-legals of his, and tried really hard to get into one but just epicly failed (I’ll save it for another time).  So, on a recent shopping trip I was delighted to pick up a few new reads, including the third in the “The Witch of….” series by Suzanne Palmieri.  Last summer I read “The Witch of Belladonna Bay” and followed it with “The Witch of Little Italy” (although, if you’re reading them, reverse the order), and I’ve been on the hunt for the third book “The Witch of Bourbon Street“.   Eureka!  As soon as I started reading it I fell in love with it.  I’m still only a tiny ways into it because I’ve been supremely busy and haven’t had much time to indulge myself, but I am looking forward to zipping thru this third book in the series.

Bourbon Street

I’m heading out on another trip later in the month and I CANNOT WAIT to tell you all about it.  This trip is going to be amazeballs and I am over the moon that I have the opportunity to do it!  But, it’s a surprise so you’ll have to wait to hear about it.

For that trip, I will likely indulge in the other books during my flight.  Eep!  Can’t wait for this one!

~Cheers!


I Carried A Watermelon

My BFF/work-wife, Spanky is currently off on maternity leave.  This girl and I met years ago when we began working together and we became instant friends.  And, although we both had changed job locations, we maintained our friendship AND continued our lunchtime shenanigans all these years.  And now we’re back to working together.  ❤

MUD GIRLS

We just did Mud Hero together Yesterday.  #BFFs

And we have spent 10 years lunching together, walking thru Town, running the trails (training for races), running errands, or just sitting around stuffing our faces.  But one thing has always maintained the same for us, wherever we were and whatever we were doing, you can bet we were laughing our heads off and having more fun than should be allowed.  I have often said I bet people see us each day on our lunchtime ventures and are totally jealous of how much fun we’re having.  In fact, one day, just a few years ago, while running an errand in one of the little shops in downtown, we had a good case of the giggles and could not stop laughing and an onlooker, a chef from one of the local restaurants had been watching us and said he thoroughly enjoyed watching us have so much fun.  See…jealous.

But, when Spanky left to go off and have Baby Ruth I was saddened because I thought I was going to be alone for my lunch hours and, although I can go out and have fun make my own fun any damn time I please, I always enjoy the company.  And, just my luck, Spanky’s work replacement has also become my lunchtime replacement and Boo Boo and I are having tons of fun together.

We decided months ago, when there was still snow on the ground (which, let’s face it, this is Nova Scotia and that means it wasn’t that long ago that there was snow on the ground), that we were going to walk during our breaks.  Actually, it wasn’t so much a decision as it was something that just happened one day and we haven’t stopped.  It’s because of these lunchtime walks that I’m hitting my FitBit step goal way early in the day.

Boo Boo and I walk and laugh every day.  We are having way too much fun and, just like Spanky and I did, we’re making our fun.

One day last week, while out on our roam, we stopped into the local grocery store.  Boo Boo was checking out the watermelons and was intending on picking one up until I reminded her that she’d have to carry a watermelon through town, in 34 degree heat, and we still had a half hour to go on our break.  She left the watermelon there.  But, as we were in the checkout line, I noticed the guy in front of me was holding a watermelon.  When he glanced around at us I said to him “Can you please take that back to work or wherever you’re going and pretend you’re Jennifer Grey in Dirty Dancing and announce “I CARRIED A WATERMELON”.

I carried a watermelon

Boo Boo held her breath (because I’m a nut!) and the guy just looked at me for a few seconds like a deer caught in headlights and then the both of them cracked up.  He said he had heard us talking by the watermelons as he was picking his out and realized that he would be the one carrying the watermelon thru town in 34 degree heat (with a long-sleeved knit sweater on, mind you) and he felt like a dummy but he wanted to do something nice for his co-workers.

Watermelon

Nice gesture or not, I’d not be carrying a watermelon thru town in the heat.  

The three of us a had a long-lasting chuckle and he kept the conversation going until he finished his purchase and had to leave us, although it seemed like he would have rather stayed with us (Boo Boo said he’s now the president of my fan club).

I’m very thankful to both these gals, Spanky and Boo Boo, because you make my work days a heckuvalot more entertaining.  I soooooo look forward to Spanky’s return because I loooove her.  And I’m keeping Boo Boo too, so we can be the workplace Three Musketeers or Three Amigos – which, with the shenanigans and oopsies, seems a lot more fitting.

I love my life.

#makeyourownadventure

~Cheers