In honor of the new show Stalker on CBS
and me getting thru the first episode (which I watched in the morning on the day of my birthday, when I knew I would be surrounded by many, many people) I thought I would post a redux of Have You Ever Had a Stalker?
There will be more to come on this topic soon. So, stay tuned. And in the meantime go check out StunBunny’s blog.
Have You Ever Had a Stalker?
Blair and I have this unspoken deal that whenever I give him a back massage he allows me to gab on and on and on. He’ll say “tell me a story, Babe” and then I talk, incessently for as long as I can. And if I feel he’s drifting off into snoozeville I wake his ass up. It’s only fair.
So, the other day as I was giving Blair a “much-needed” massage I told him this story of my stalker.
Back in my Tim Horton’s days, in my late teens/early 20’s, I worked a lot a lot of shifts and I got to know a lot of people – hey, they don’t call me “Sandy-the-Social-Butterfly” for nothing. As with many-a-coffee shop, you get to know your customers….the “regulars” become part of your everyday routine. Sometimes whether you like it or not. It wasn’t uncommon to be hit on or asked out by a “regular”. Sometimes it would be flattering but for the most part it was a great big giant ICK.
This one particular guy, who my co-workers referred to as my “dirtball boyfriend” (he’s the kind of guy who, just by looking at him makes you want to throw up. The kind of guy you just don’t get a good vibe from), decided he had a crush on me. Now, I worked 6 days a week from 5:30am-2pm. This guy, whose name I can’t even recall/didn’t care about, started showing up just before I’d get to work. He’d wait inside with his coffee and as soon as I started my shift he would begin his conversations and creepy gawking. He’d sit there for hours as I counted down the minutes until the busy traffic began and my friends showed up for their shifts. Then he’d leave the store, come thru the drive thru so I’d have to wait on him (tho I’d dodge him whenever I could) and then disappear for a bit. UNTIL it was time for my shift to end when he started showing up in the back parking lot next to my car. I’d do my best to evade the situation and any communication but the truth is, I’m not that much of an asshole and wasn’t able to come right out and tell him to eff off so this routine went on daily for a few weeks. Then he began waiting in the back parking lot when I arrived for work. At 5:15 in the morning it’s still dark and this was creepy as hell. But, it gave me the opportunity to say I didn’t see him and take off like a bat out of hell.
Eventually, I was getting so freaked out that my male coworkers were waiting for me at the back door when I arrived in the mornings and would walk me to my car in the afternoons so that I could avoid this guy. One night, while at the bar celebrating my birthday, a coworker showed up and said he was out in the parking lot and wanted to talk to me. I was so annoyed that I dragged a friend out with me and asked him what the hell he was doing. He said he wanted to come wish me a Happy Birthday (I don’t know how the hell he found out where we were to start with). I asked him why he couldn’t just come inside and say it to me there. His response: “Oh, I can’t go in there. My wife’s in there.” WTF????? I’m pretty sure I called him a freak and headed back inside. But sure enough, when the bar closed and my friends and I headed home he was still sitting in his car watching like a hawk.
At one point when all this craziness was happening I started parking my car in the front lot of my work place. This was a big no-no but the owner and manager were aware of the situation and I did this at their suggestion. My dad wanted to come down and “have a talk” with this guy but that would have been a very bad idea because my dad would have destroyed him (I proudly get my temper from dear old Dad). But the dude just did not get it. He started parking next to my car out front. I got my shifts switched up..asking to work from 10-6 (the longest, most drawn out shifts EVER)…to throw a curve in his plan but when he caught on he just sat in the side parking lot until my shift would end and would try to talk to me when I was leaving.
Finally, my big boss, the owner of the store, who is a truly good-hearted guy but very intimidating (I’ll have another story about this soon) had had enough and he put the run to this weirdo. Told him to leave me alone, to not come back to the store or he’d be phoning the police. The bossman had my back, and although he knew I didn’t want to cause a fuss with the situation, didn’t want me to endure anymore of the foolishness. He rocks.
Occasionally I will see my dirtball boyfriend and I get creeped out and throw up a little bit in my mouth. I try to dart out of his line of vision and never speak to him but always feel the need to tell whoever I’m with who he is. The last time I’d seen him was a few years ago when I was out to dinner with my family: parents, brother and his family, grandparents and my uncle and cousin who were visiting from out-of-province (shout out to Annie-Lou!!) and he came in with another large family group. Of course, these two large groups were seated in a large function room together (but separate). His chair was behind me and just off to the right. Whenever I would turn my head to talk to Anne or for whatever reason, he was sitting there glaring at me. Obviously I lost my appetite but I made sure to tell Anne the entire story. Because, really, a blogger is a good storyteller and this guy should just be ashamed and embarrassed.
For several years I have been trying to track down a woman I spoke to only briefly while working for my former employer. She and I had a conversation by phone and over the last few years I have made several efforts to find this woman. I have contacted her namesake on Facebook, I have searched her old employer and tried to email her (only to have the email bounce back as she no longer is with that company) and I have performed many Google searches.
This morning my relentlessness has paid off. After another Google search I found her name with another company. I tracked down the company and then her email address and then sent the following (*names and some parts have been omitted):
Me: Good morning, I am wondering if you are the same AG who worked for ZFC several years ago? If so, I would like to pass on great thanks to you (explanation to come). 🙂
Her reply: Good morning Sandy, Yes, you are correct, this is the same AG from ZFC. Do tell me more I am intrigued.
Me: Good morning! I have been semi-stalking you for a number of years. 😉
Several years ago I was talking with you regarding your work event. In the middle of our conversation you stopped me and asked me if everything was okay. You took me by surprise, as we had never met nor had a personal conversation.
You said you could sense that I was carrying a burden and reassured me that things would be okay and to let it go.
Not long before that conversation I had recently separated from my live-in boyfriend and was living in a moderate depression….and to make it worse, at that time my grandfather was very sick and shortly after passed away. I was carrying a ton of weight in my heart and you nailed it.
I have, for 6 years, wanted to thank you for your kindness. It was a small gesture from a stranger but you could sense something and you went out of your way to to show me that someone cared. It was a very lovely gesture, and in a small way, AG, it changed my life.
Thank you so much!
AG: That is entirely amazing. What an absolutely endearing message to receive out of the blue like this, I just love it and think we need to have a reunion : )
I really appreciate your reaching out like this – thank YOU so much, Sandy!
Me: It is something that I have carried with me for so many years….this past weekend was the anniversary of my grandfather’s death and I’ve been determined to try and track you down. I took your advice and DID let go of the things I could change…the breakup ended up being the best thing for me…it just took some time to realize it. And you had such an air of concern and honesty in your voice and, perhaps, hearing “let it go” from a stranger was exactly what I needed.
NOW I don’t ever condone stalking or anything like that. I merely wanted to point out that this woman, whom I’d never met and only spoke to a few times EVER (and about work) went out of her way to show a little kindness. And I just wanted to share with you that even a small gesture could change someone’s world.
Be nice to each other. 🙂