It’s Friday night, December 22. Christmas is in just three days. And I’m pooped.
For weeks on end, I have been going non-stop, hitting the gym, working long hours, teaching classes, training clients, traveling back and forth to the City for work, sleeping in hotels, hiking up and down the city streets so that I don’t have to pay for parking, dealing with an infection around my heart, and getting ready for Christmas. On top, of course, staying on top of my social calendar and living a Hallmark-style December.
I don’t want a lot for Christmas….just a good night’s sleep
This week, I did not sleep well. Each night at the hotel, I was awake by 3:30am. The last two nights at home, I have slept a combined less than 6 hours (I’ve been awake since about 12:30 last night). I’m exhausted. Physically and completely drained.
I got up this morning and ready for the gym extra early. I was in the McDonald’s drive-thru at 5:01 (they open at 5) so that I could suck back a coffee on my way to work out. I worked out, then worked today until our office closed at noon. I then had a client back at the gym. Afterward, I had to stop and get groceries, before heading home. Husband and I got in at the same time and decided immediately to jump into the hot tub. It’s a very cold day with a wind chill, and we’d both worked out hard. The hot tub was welcomed. And then we cozied up on the couch, but my chest and heart were hurting and I considered going back to the ER. However, I ended up passing out on couch in a good nap. I never nap. This is my second nap in a week, so my body and mind are buckling under the pressure (and not sleeping).
So here I am on the Friday night before Christmas, drinking hot mulled cider while cookies bake in the oven, battling to keep my eyes open. I have a charcuterie board to put together for a festive gathering (aka a party), goodies to prepare for Christmas Eve and Christmas dinners, and still some wrapping and sorting. Not to mention the regular day-to-day chores and whatnot to complete.
My goal for tonight, though, is to sleep. Nothing else, just sleep. I’m looking forward to a long winter’s slumber in just one night. In just a few short hours, I am hoping to be there.
We are two days away from Halloween – and I just can’t get in the mood.
Every year I look forward to October (my favorite month!) and to Fall and to Halloween. But this year, I’m just not feeling any of it.
I have been extremely sleep deprived lately; having another onset of insomnia episodes. I’ll fall asleep fairly easily, most of the time, but waking up as early as 1am, without the ability to get back to sleep. My mind reels, and then I get angry, and I lay there. Wide Awake, waiting to get up and start my damn day. And with the sleep deprivation comes emotional roller coasters. It’s terrible. I don’t feel like myself a lot of the time; and the last few days I’ve been going through a depression that 100% got the best of me yesterday. I cried off and on for most of the day, to the point I was sobbing in a restaurant (which resulted in our server asking twice if she could give me a hug), sobbing in my car in the parking lot of a grocery store, sobbing in my bathtub, and sobbing in my husband’s arms. On top of sobbing at work and having minor meltdowns throughout the day. Last night, however, I had a few glasses of wine with a girlfriend after work, and then taking a few sleeping pills before bed. I slept about 10 hours, with the exception of a 5am wide awake, staring at walls session, before drifting back off. My body and mind needed the recoup.
That’s who I’ve been lately. That’s not who I am normally. And it’s affecting my outlook on everything, including my love and excitement of Halloween.
We have also been experiencing an Indian Summer of sorts ’round these parts, with warm weather and humidity, and it hasn’t felt too much like autumn weather this month. With the exception of today. This morning we woke to frosty lawns and air so cold we could see our breath. And of course, the sunshine and changing colors of trees and falling leaves have all left us with the impression of a regular October, for the most part, it’s felt like an extension of summer, complete with mosquitos.
I haven’t even participated in any spooky movies for October. Although, we did watch the new Halloween a few days ago and it sucked terribly. Honestly, whose idea was that? I was rooting for Michael Myers this time.
But yesterday. Let me tell you about yesterday morning. When I left my gym shortly after 7 am, I came outside to darkness, as the sun struggled to come up, and as I walked to my car, I took a deep, long inhale and it smelled like Christmas! The air was crispy, but not cold, and I could taste cool December and cloves and chimney smoke. And I am so entirely in the mood for Christmas. I cannot wait to start watching Hallmark movies and decorating and sharing glasses of spiced wine while sugar cookie candles burn. Maybe Christmas is what I need to bring me out of this funk that I feel I have fallen so deep into. I crave the noise of carols playing while we roam streets, and the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping, and the crowds of people who walk by smiling while struggling to balance their bags of presents and food.
I cannot wait to be in it. To be in the air of Christmas and the full fledge of holidays. I am not looking forward to cold weather and wearing boots (and pants!) and having cold toes all the time. But I am eager to become overjoyed with the abundance of love and gratefulness that oncoming Christmas makes me feel.
The air out there changes me. And I am desperate to breathe it in.
Last night was the absolute worst night of no sleep I`ve had so far. I slept less than 2 hours the whole night. Similar to last week, Blair awoke at one point in the middle of the night and gently began rubbing my head. It felt so nice but I told him that at least one of us should try and get some sleep. He`s sweet tho. I think he understands how this freakish on again, off again insomnia is affecting me.
I woke up this morning with a pounding headache and with that dizzying feel you get from a semi-bad hangover. I got my butt ready for work anyway and went out in the nearly -30 weather and drug my feet thru the snowcovered sidewalks on my way to the office. I am not a happy camper.
It`s been a rough day. Usually I`m still able to function when I haven`t had enough sleep but today seems to be excruciating. And to make matters worse I have a 3 hour gym session tonight. Yikes! I just hope my warm-up run gives me a boost of energy that I`m desperately needing (as well as this late lunch I`m taking now).
I am hoping that when I finally get home tonight I will be pooped and will fall fast into a coma asleep. A girl can only hope.
End rant.
(I`d say `Cheers!`as I always do but I don`t know if I fully mean it today.)
Last night I had yet another sleepless night. Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights I struggled with sleep and hadn’t slept much so when Monday night rolled around I was out like a light. BAM! I slept so great. Which meant, and I knew, that I wouldn’t be sleeping well last night. It’s just the way the crappy cycle of this insomnia has been working.
I went to bed around 11:30 – I was at the point where my eyelids were heavy and I thought; “Hey, this is my chance.” But my luck isn’t that great. Blair had come to bed about an hour following me and he was in dreamland pretty quickly. Lucky duck.
F.M.L!!
So, for a few hours I laid in bed, trying for sleep. Nada. At one point, in the middle of the night, I just started cursing. I was pretty cranky. Blair, hearing my bitching the sweet sound of my voice woke up and quietly said “Just relax. Close your eyes and I’ll rub your back.” (Which I thought was a half-assed promise, but to my surprise he lovingly followed thru.)
He laid there and rubbed my back for about a minute and a half and then he fell asleep. Mid rub. With his big lug of an arm across my back. Which, to be honest, normally I would enjoy. I usually tell him; “Put your arm around me, Babe” and will wrap his arm around me in a snuggle.
But last night I was pissed. Now I was wide awake in the middle of the night, counting down ’til it was time for me to get up for work, with a big hot arm thugged over me. Then Blair woke up and began rubbing my back again trying to put my mind at rest so that sleep would come. Eventually it did. EVENTUALLY.
So, I’ve decided to do another bootcamp. Only this time I’VE designed the program.
If you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time you’ll know that I am (or attempt to be) a fitness buff. I work out on a nearly daily basis and I usually follow a pretty strict “diet” – meaning, I try to eat healthy and not overeat*. On occasion I will indulge in something if I really want it badly enough, however, with my exercise restrictions after surgery and then Christmas treats, I feel like I’ve mammothed up and that my body isn’t where I want it to be.
I realize that my self esteem issues will continue to stand in my way of seeing what I’ve accomplished over the years with my fanatical faithful fitness following but I still don’t feel like I’m “there” yet.
(*My biggest problem is that I don’t actually eat enough/consume enough calories throughout the day, which is likely why I’ve plateaued. *sad face*)
I will be tracking my progress and hopefully posting on my workout routines and sharing food ideas. Last year I documented every single day of my workouts. I have continued to do this again this year. I feel that being accountable certainly helps out.
Sunday (Begin: Bootcamp) – 1 hour at the (mad)gym in the am + 1 hour of P90X yoga in the late afternoon.
I also did crazy grocery shopping yesterday spending tons of money on produce and other things to prepare my meals a bit better. Although I always have fruits and vegetables in the house I feel like, lately, I’ve not taken advantage of all that’s offered (especially with those damn Christmas treats lingering in my deep freeze *drool*). Here’s a list of (some of) what’s in my fridge:
Sweet potato
Red and green peppers
Red and green onion
Garlic (always a staple)
Strawberries
Blueberries
Bananas
Pineapple
Dragonfruit
Cabbage
Carrots
Mushrooms
Tomato
Sugar snap peas (one of my favorite snacks)
Pomelo
Cucumber
Salad greens
Radishes
Coconut water
Almond milk
Yogurt
Seeds and nuts and beans and quinoa (not kept in the fridge, duh)
I think this is a pretty great list of food and I will have tons of options when it comes time to make meals. (*Just another note so I don’t get lectured, I also have meat/poultry/fish and other protein options.)
Last night for dinner I had a 1/4 sweet potato, greens and a 1/4 cup of chopped beef marinated in tangerine, guava and pink peppercorn dressing, garlic and pepper and then cooked in the oven. In the evening I also had a 1/3 dragonfruit and a handful of sunflower seeds.
A little flavor goes a long way.
My big goals for the week are to drink more water – like gallons and gallons of it – and to sleep more, which has only become a problem since I’ve developed some weird semi-form of insomnia within the last 6-7 weeks. OMG, it SUCKS! I can be exhausted all day long. To the point where I don’t have the energy to blink and then when I hit the sack I’m wide awake all night, normally not finally falling asleep until 4 or 5 or even 6 in the morning. Even with sleep aids I’ve been having issues. I don’t know what my problem is but I’m pretty friggin’ cranky in the interim.
So yeah, drinking more water (more than usual so that I always feel full and hydrated) and working on that sleep thing (please keep your fingers crossed for me for this). Our bodies always function better when watered and rested.
Man, this chick’s got it made.
My fitness routine for this evening was: 35 minutes of P90X yoga and a Zumba class. *whew*
Don’t worry, I’m not going to be bombarding you with every single workout and a play-by-play of what I’m eating. But here’s hoping for some great results and finally getting over this hurdle. And I welcome any of you to join me.
If you’ve been reading my blog for any amount of time you’ll know that I am (or attempt to be) a fitness buff. I work out on a nearly daily basis and I usually follow a pretty strict “diet” – meaning, I try to eat healthy and not overeat*. On occasion I will indulge in something if I really want it badly enough, however, with my exercise restrictions after surgery and then Christmas treats, I feel like I’ve mammothed up and that my body isn’t where I want it to be.
Sandy the Social Butterfly 